How do we know its a girl?

It's a girl!!!!  These were the words Fabio and I heard from my doctor when our daughter Milah was born. We wept like babies. Could it really be happening?  Could God have blessed us and our families with a girl finally. Our families on both side had desperately been waiting for a girl. On my side there are four grandsons. On my husbands there are three grandsons, my mother in law had two sons and my father in law was one of four boys. No girls!!!!  I had prepared myself to hear the words "it's a boy". Of course we would have welcomed our baby boy with open arms but the thought of a girl....of pink bows....pink dresses was too much not to dream about. So to learn that we had our baby girl was like we won the lottery. It was so worth waiting till the end to know that she wwe had a princess. 

Enters my curious Lucas who asks tons of questions.  Lucas had always asked me why do I pee sitting. I had explained that girls had different parts and he wanted to see how my part was different than his. That was not happening. 

When Lucas and Noah came to the hospital to meet their little sister they were so excited but then we're confused when they saw her. I think they expected her to be wearing pink, long hair and pink bows so that in their minds she was a girl. But what they saw was a tiny baby wrapped up like a burrito looking like a boy. She actually did have a lot of hair but it didn't have pink bows. So to them the baby looked nothing like a girl. Lucas asked "how do we know she is a girl?". To which we all answered "she is a girl trust Us". He wants proof, a sure indication that the baby girl he had wished for was actually given to him. He had asked Santa for a baby sister and had been a good boy so he needed to have proof that what he got was a sister. Noah could care less. He was just upset that mommy had to stay in the hospital with the baby, boy or girl he was pissed that his mommy would not be with him. 

When Milah and I got home two days later Milah still did not look like a girl in Lucas eyes. After all, all I had at home was blue clothes after having two boys so I had to  put her boy clothes to which he responded "mommy why is she wearing blue pajamas that say "daddy's boy" (damn it he could read). I explained that mommy had no pink clothes, mommy didn't know we were having a girl. 

A few days later, I began to receive packages from my little sister with tons of girl outfits. My mother in laws also bought her outfits and I went crazy in pink. I washed everything and could hardly wait to put her pink clothes and finally bows in her hair. I asked Lucas " does she look like a girl now?"  To which he replied " better but there is still something missing". 

Two weeks later after her belly button was cleared we took Milah her first bath. Aha....Lucas noticed she didn't have a pee pee. I didn't cover Milah or pushed them away from seeing her naked so I knew he would be aware of the difference " how come she doesn't have a pee pee?"  I responded " girls don't, only boys do". He says "that's what girls have, that's what you have". He got it. "Oh I know that's how the doctor knew she was a girl ", he says. Glad this conversation was over and I felt relieve until Fabio reminded me that I had taught this lesson in Milahs expense. I had shown her goods to her brothers. Something I am sure she will hold over me for years to come. For now, we had our girl and everyone knows what parts we all have. 

Lucas and the nudist rights.

Lucas has discovered lately his private part.....his pee pee. He noticed it before in the last six years but like his friends in his class and kids his age, Lucas is has become fascinated with it. 

He has even introduced Noah to his own pee pee. To which Noah responds "mommy when I tickle my pee pee.....oohhhh mommy it feels sooo good."  

The boys are now sharing a room since Noah's old room went to our baby girl and they did not want to be split. We have a fourth bedroom but the boys wouldn't have it, they wanted to share a room. They are very close. Now they do everything together. They get ready for school in the morning and put their pajamas on together as well. With the dressing and undressing I have often caught them not dressed at all. I walk in to two naked boys dancing on each other's bed shaking their pee pee around   .  How do i handle this?  How do I make them understand that it's ok to touch and admire ther own merchandise without becoming exhibitionist?  

One day I walked in to their room and found Lucas dancing on the bed flipping his pee pee from one side to the other. I yelled at him and told him not to do that and he had such a confused look on his face. "It's my own pee pee mommy, I can touch it mommy and can dance with it mommy". He went under his covers and began to cry. I walked out of the room to give myself a breather trying to figure out how I was going to deal with it. When I left I heard Lucas get up and close the door and locked it. Fabio was not home and I had to address it now. I always thought that I would be able to handle anything my kids wanted to know and that I would always always be honest. But this parenthood thing was getting harder and harder as time has gone by. 

Lucas has always been the "experiment one". Kids don't come with instructions so you have to find your way as you go along. You experiment with the first so you kind of learn to handle the situation better with the second (you hope). 

Back to my upset first born locked in his room. Fabio and I have always agree that when the boys are upset and go into their room and lock the door, we should let them. They should feel like their rooms are their space and they could go in there for private time and it will be given to them. I knocked on the door and asked if I could come in. "No..."  Finally after pleading he let me in and I explained once again but he had his own questions. 

"Who said we had to wear clothers?  Jesus wore clothes, did God tell him he had to wear them? Who made these rules mommy? If boys all have the same thing and girls all have the same thing then why do we have to hide it? Do you wear clothes in heaven? Is there a place you don't wear clothes I would like to visit there?"  By the end of these questions I was so exhausted. I answered some " yes Jesus wore clothes because when he was born the Virgin Mary put clothes on him. I don't know who made up the rules, everyone just knows to wear clothes. We are not hiding the parts, we are just covering it because its private. I don't know if in heaven they wear clothes and yes there is a place that people don't wear clothes but you can't go there until you are an adult". Somehow he seemed to understand or got tired of thinking too much. 

He got up and said mommy I want to draw now. Ok I said. Then he ends it with " I don't think Hawaii got the message because those girls that wear the flowers in their heads are showing their tummies and only cover a little bit. You can see this legs through the skirt mommy and this chest is all out there. They did not get the message". Wow....the things kids notice. 

Santa and Jesus are tight!!!

Lucas started taking religious education classes in September and I am so glad that he has because all the questions he had about Jesus was overwhelming. Honestly, most I did not know or did not know how to tell him without being graphic. He would ask"why is Jesus in a cross....who killed him.....how do we know he existed......how come we don't see pictures if his daddy God".  I told him that "Jesus school" would have all the answers. When the day finally came he was so excited to learn all about it. 

Recently, since Christmas is coming he began asking. "Mommy, now I have to be good for two people Jesus and Santa. What if I am having a bad day and Santa sees me being a bad boy but Jesus saw that I was a good boy the rest of the days and Santa was busy and didn't see it, how would Santa know". My answer "Lucas, Santa and Jesus are tight, they are friends. When the day gets closer for Santa to come deliver those presents Christmas night, Santa and Jesus will discuss all the boys and girls to see who has been naughty and nice" completely lying to my child but I needed him to still believe in Santa as long as he could. His eyes opened wide and he smiled. "Oh good, so they both will see what a good boy I am and that sometimes I make mistakes but I turn it around". Fabio has taught Lucas that when he is misbehaving and acting like a bad boy he can always change it by turning it around and being a good boy, it's never too late". Lucas loves that. 

Ok, so maybe some parents or single people might not like the lying to your child but I think its harmless and it helps us teach our children consequences for their good or bad behavior even if in this case it's for materialistic things. The other day Fabio got a phone number where the boys could hear Santa talking to them about how they have to be good girls and boys. Santa said to leave a message with what they wish for Santa to bring them for Christmas. Noah's list went in and on and we had to cut him off, then Lucas went. When Lucas left his long list at the end he said "Santa please say hi to Jesus for me. I know he is your best friend". So cute. 

Some people, parents or not parents easily judge other parents. I always try not to judge because we are not all living the same life and don't know how would we would handle all situations. The other day I was getting a sonogram. I was telling the sono lady how Lucas thinks Jesus and Santa are friends and that I made him think that. She doesn't have any children and in her defense said that because she doesn't have any children she probably is judging me to harshly but that she was horrified that I had lied to my sons about it all and that I had joined a fictional  character along a real person like Jesus. She was doing the sono and it was my last one before my baby comes so I didn't want to argue with her and ruin my last sono of baby but I went on to say". Before becoming a mother , I thought I would never lie to my children, I would be honest always. Now being a mother of two soon to be three I lie. I lie about things that I know won't harm them. Although Jesus to me is real, so was Santa when I was a child. I don't see harm in it and if there is harm in the future I pray that it doesn't hurt them or others. Jesus knows that it's not done maliciously". She agreed and said "but when he grows up he would know that Santa is not real and think that Jesus is also not real". I disagreed and let it go. She would not change my mind and I wasn't going to change hers. 

Maybe I am wrong and lying to them is a mistake but I honestly don't see a harm in it. My boys are good boys who have tantrums like any other kid. Lying to them about Santa is something that I will not take back, the joy in their faces on Christmas morning is all the proof I need that this lie has to go on as long as it can. Throwing Jesus in the picture just makes Lucas and Noah believe in him too plus it makes Jesus really cool that his BFF is Santa. Good enough for me.