Lucas and the nudist rights.

Lucas has discovered lately his private part.....his pee pee. He noticed it before in the last six years but like his friends in his class and kids his age, Lucas is has become fascinated with it. 

He has even introduced Noah to his own pee pee. To which Noah responds "mommy when I tickle my pee pee.....oohhhh mommy it feels sooo good."  

The boys are now sharing a room since Noah's old room went to our baby girl and they did not want to be split. We have a fourth bedroom but the boys wouldn't have it, they wanted to share a room. They are very close. Now they do everything together. They get ready for school in the morning and put their pajamas on together as well. With the dressing and undressing I have often caught them not dressed at all. I walk in to two naked boys dancing on each other's bed shaking their pee pee around   .  How do i handle this?  How do I make them understand that it's ok to touch and admire ther own merchandise without becoming exhibitionist?  

One day I walked in to their room and found Lucas dancing on the bed flipping his pee pee from one side to the other. I yelled at him and told him not to do that and he had such a confused look on his face. "It's my own pee pee mommy, I can touch it mommy and can dance with it mommy". He went under his covers and began to cry. I walked out of the room to give myself a breather trying to figure out how I was going to deal with it. When I left I heard Lucas get up and close the door and locked it. Fabio was not home and I had to address it now. I always thought that I would be able to handle anything my kids wanted to know and that I would always always be honest. But this parenthood thing was getting harder and harder as time has gone by. 

Lucas has always been the "experiment one". Kids don't come with instructions so you have to find your way as you go along. You experiment with the first so you kind of learn to handle the situation better with the second (you hope). 

Back to my upset first born locked in his room. Fabio and I have always agree that when the boys are upset and go into their room and lock the door, we should let them. They should feel like their rooms are their space and they could go in there for private time and it will be given to them. I knocked on the door and asked if I could come in. "No..."  Finally after pleading he let me in and I explained once again but he had his own questions. 

"Who said we had to wear clothers?  Jesus wore clothes, did God tell him he had to wear them? Who made these rules mommy? If boys all have the same thing and girls all have the same thing then why do we have to hide it? Do you wear clothes in heaven? Is there a place you don't wear clothes I would like to visit there?"  By the end of these questions I was so exhausted. I answered some " yes Jesus wore clothes because when he was born the Virgin Mary put clothes on him. I don't know who made up the rules, everyone just knows to wear clothes. We are not hiding the parts, we are just covering it because its private. I don't know if in heaven they wear clothes and yes there is a place that people don't wear clothes but you can't go there until you are an adult". Somehow he seemed to understand or got tired of thinking too much. 

He got up and said mommy I want to draw now. Ok I said. Then he ends it with " I don't think Hawaii got the message because those girls that wear the flowers in their heads are showing their tummies and only cover a little bit. You can see this legs through the skirt mommy and this chest is all out there. They did not get the message". Wow....the things kids notice. 

Santa and Jesus are tight!!!

Lucas started taking religious education classes in September and I am so glad that he has because all the questions he had about Jesus was overwhelming. Honestly, most I did not know or did not know how to tell him without being graphic. He would ask"why is Jesus in a cross....who killed him.....how do we know he existed......how come we don't see pictures if his daddy God".  I told him that "Jesus school" would have all the answers. When the day finally came he was so excited to learn all about it. 

Recently, since Christmas is coming he began asking. "Mommy, now I have to be good for two people Jesus and Santa. What if I am having a bad day and Santa sees me being a bad boy but Jesus saw that I was a good boy the rest of the days and Santa was busy and didn't see it, how would Santa know". My answer "Lucas, Santa and Jesus are tight, they are friends. When the day gets closer for Santa to come deliver those presents Christmas night, Santa and Jesus will discuss all the boys and girls to see who has been naughty and nice" completely lying to my child but I needed him to still believe in Santa as long as he could. His eyes opened wide and he smiled. "Oh good, so they both will see what a good boy I am and that sometimes I make mistakes but I turn it around". Fabio has taught Lucas that when he is misbehaving and acting like a bad boy he can always change it by turning it around and being a good boy, it's never too late". Lucas loves that. 

Ok, so maybe some parents or single people might not like the lying to your child but I think its harmless and it helps us teach our children consequences for their good or bad behavior even if in this case it's for materialistic things. The other day Fabio got a phone number where the boys could hear Santa talking to them about how they have to be good girls and boys. Santa said to leave a message with what they wish for Santa to bring them for Christmas. Noah's list went in and on and we had to cut him off, then Lucas went. When Lucas left his long list at the end he said "Santa please say hi to Jesus for me. I know he is your best friend". So cute. 

Some people, parents or not parents easily judge other parents. I always try not to judge because we are not all living the same life and don't know how would we would handle all situations. The other day I was getting a sonogram. I was telling the sono lady how Lucas thinks Jesus and Santa are friends and that I made him think that. She doesn't have any children and in her defense said that because she doesn't have any children she probably is judging me to harshly but that she was horrified that I had lied to my sons about it all and that I had joined a fictional  character along a real person like Jesus. She was doing the sono and it was my last one before my baby comes so I didn't want to argue with her and ruin my last sono of baby but I went on to say". Before becoming a mother , I thought I would never lie to my children, I would be honest always. Now being a mother of two soon to be three I lie. I lie about things that I know won't harm them. Although Jesus to me is real, so was Santa when I was a child. I don't see harm in it and if there is harm in the future I pray that it doesn't hurt them or others. Jesus knows that it's not done maliciously". She agreed and said "but when he grows up he would know that Santa is not real and think that Jesus is also not real". I disagreed and let it go. She would not change my mind and I wasn't going to change hers. 

Maybe I am wrong and lying to them is a mistake but I honestly don't see a harm in it. My boys are good boys who have tantrums like any other kid. Lying to them about Santa is something that I will not take back, the joy in their faces on Christmas morning is all the proof I need that this lie has to go on as long as it can. Throwing Jesus in the picture just makes Lucas and Noah believe in him too plus it makes Jesus really cool that his BFF is Santa. Good enough for me. 

Someone.....anyone.....help me.

When I was pregnant with Lucas, I felt like a queen. Fabio was so attentive, so caring and so was everyone else. I felt like royalty. Everyone wanted to make sure I was alright and Fabio was the perfect husband. Then came Noah, and Fabio again did an excellent job taking care of Lucas and his pregnant wifes needs. He was on top of everything.

Now with baby #3.......not so much....  not the queen......not so much the princess....not so much of anything. He tries as much as he can. 

We were at a football game for Lucas the other day, the bleachers were full and there was no where to sit. I was with Noah and knew he needed to run around anyway and I walked over to the grass area with him. I told Fabio where I was going and he said OK. Noah started running around and I just stood standing but then got tired. I plopped down and as soon as my ass hit the floor I knew I would not be able to get up on my own again. I couldn't even sit Indian style, I couldn't stretch out my legs either. Oh man what a mistake this was I thought. Noah thankfully decided he was tired running around and sat next to me ripping grass with his hands and digging into the dirt. I didn't care at least he was near me. I was able to watch Lucas play thankfully. I kept moving my ass, legs and belly frequently tying to find a comfortable spot but couldn't. I sat there for at least   half an hour, I felt my ass numb. Then the game was over and Fabio calls out to me and Noah and says "come guys hurry up, come they are having food for everyone, come before it's all gone". Noah jumps up and runs to Fabio. Fabio picks him up and assumes I will be following. But I was still on the grass trying desperately to get myself up. There was nothing to hold on to, I tried to roll, go on my knees but bending them only got one ass cheek of the floor. Then I hear " Claud, where you at". Then sees me on the floor. Then he tells me to stop fooling around and come get food. I gave him the dirtiest look, literally dirty because somehow I had dirt in my face from the rolling around. He got the point and helped me up. I was like a bug on its back, couldn't get up without assitance. 

One morning we were rushing to try to get to church on time when I lay down on my bed and Fabio says "what are you doing, we have no time for a nap Claud ". I responded "it's the only way to put on my socks, I lay down, put my legs up on the air and put on the sock and pull it down". He was amazed on how I had created a way to put on my socks.  Desperate times calls for desperate measures. 

I walk....well actually I waddle.....everywhere holding Lucas with one hand and the other hand holds Noah I think of how am I going to hold the third. How am I going to push a stroller  then hold on to the other two. I guess you manage....somehow you have to. 

Pregnant with a third, working full time and having two kids already is hard. I don't know how women do it. But I know once our baby arrives, it will be harder than ever. Oh God help us. 

Don't you ever touch my child!!!!

My heart is breaking. My tears can't stop. I know its worst because I am 8 1/2 months pregnant but the emotions and anger running through my veins is like nothing I have ever felt before. Lucas my first born....my big boy got punch by another boy of the same age and worst of all I didn't see it but felt something was wrong. 

We were at Noah's last soccer game. All the moms and dads were watching our 3 1/2 year olds kick the soccer ball for the last time of the season. I was chatting it up with one of the moms that I have become close to. Fabio was recording the game and Lucas was playing with his best friend Michael and they were climbing a tree. All the kids playing near him were kids from the parents that were watching the game. He was safe. He was safe. 

Then the game finished, trophies were being handed out and other teams with their parents were coming on the field to play their game. New boys....boys that I didn't know....boys who were mean. I was chatting with other moms when I see Lucas run to me with his coat half way off, eyes watery and face all red. I knew something was wrong.....felt it in the pit of my stomach. I asked him if he was alright and he said he was fine. His friend said nothing was wrong but I knew it was. The moms kept talking and I let it go but the way he looked at me as he ran away to play I knew there was more. I should have stopped him but instead I continued talking but was still looking at him. 

He began wrestling with his friend and brother. There was still something off as I watched from afar. They did not go back to the tree I noticed. Ten minutes later we started walking back to the car when I began to help Lucas with his seat belt and he said " mommy I have to tell you something but I will tell you at home". I knew it..."baby tell me now". "I don't want to then you are going to go and make a big deal and embarrass me". I promise I wouldn't and at this point Fabio arrived with Noah and was buckling him in and heard Lucas. Fabio says " please Lucas you can tell us anything you want". Lucas tells me "I will whisper it in your ear".  Ok I said. "A boy punch me in my face" and his eyes watered with tears. My heart broke, I felt a big lump in my throat and the urge to find this kid and kill him. Fabio of course could not contain himself and said "what kid, tell me who it is and I will kill him". He quickly realized he said it out loud and stopped himself. Lucas went on to say that this was the reason he didn't tell us because we would confront the kid and embarrass him. What were we suppose to do, ignore it...let this kid think its ok to punch someone in the face....not defend our Lucas and let him think we are ok with him getting punched. I knew I had promised but the mother bear in me took over and I set off to find this brat. But first I needed details. Lucas told us what he looked like and Fabio spotted him still on the tree. I proceeded to ask lucas if he had done something to the kid that would make the kid punch him. Not that there should ever be a reason for anyone to touch him but I needed to have the full story. Lucas said he didn't do anything. Then I asked Lucas if he wanted to come with me and of course he said no. Then I explained " I know mommy is breaking her promise to you but I want you to know its not ok with us that anyone touch you, embarrass you or make you cry. It's not acceptable ever. Please please always come to me or daddy if this ever happens to you again and don't ever feel embarrassed for us defending you, your brother, the baby and you are our life and we will always protect you."  He smiled and Noah said " I am going to punch that kid". I'm sure if Noah had been there he would have punched the kid. 

I set off trying to calm myself down, I said nothing to Fabio, I just walked across the field with my humongous belly. I spotted the kid and walked towards him. There was two little girls up on the tree about 7 to 8 years old. Another bigger boy was next to the boy in question. I said "hi guys... Do you know who punched my son in the face" ( no time or desire for small talk). One girl said "Thomas did" and they pointed to him. Thomas put his face down and I walked towards him. "That was not nice Thomas, how would you like it if someone punched you in your face, did my son do something to you". The girls responded that Lucas and his friend were trying to break the house of leaves they had built but agreed that What Thomas did was wrong. I asked them where Thomas mom was and where and the girls along with Thomas all said they wouldn't tell me because I was a stranger and Thomas did not want to get in trouble. I wanted to go to every woman in that field to find her but instead I went to his level and in a sweet voice I said " you should never punch anyone in the face....ever....and don't ever ever ever touch my son again". He put his face down and shook his head up and down as if to say yes".  With all the strength I had I pushed my body up. To get to this kids level was not easy. 

I knew I had scared Thomas and his poor parents were probably watching the game too and had not noticed either. As I walked back across the field I looked at every mom in the field waiting for one of them to come up to me but no one did. She was probably chatting up with her friends like I was. 

I got back in the car and told Lucas what had happened. I kissed him and reassure him that we will always protect him and never let anyone hurt him. I kissed his checks that were still red and kissed his eyes that had gotten watery again. Fabio and I decided to take them to carvel to try and  erase this memory from his mind. As I drove out of that parking lot I cried quietly and tears fell down my face. I had failed him for not going with my gut but I had showed him it was not acceptable what that boy did. Hopefully I had scared Thomas enough to think before punching another kid. 

I had never done anything like this before and I would do it again. We told Lucas next time he he should punch back and defend himself. My sweet boy said "but Jesus said we are suppose to love everyone". I said "true but not those who punch you first". Sorry Jesus. 

A trip for three and belly.

I recently had a doctors appointment for the baby and no one could watch my boys. My sister was working, my dad was busy and Fabio had to work. I had to go to the obstetricians office with my two boys and I was dreading it. Trying to get use to this lifestyle is something I had to do. In a few months I will be dealing with three kids, I will probably being doing a lot with them since who is going to want to watch three. I sucked it up and got my bag of goodies ready. I had snacks, books that they had not read and a portable DVD with a movie that they had not seen. I was ready...I was hoping the office was ready too. I explained to the boys that mommy had to go to the doctor. They had never been with me to the doctor before. I further explained that I had to go to the doctor to make sure our baby was doing well. I told them that they will be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Lucas was super excited. Noah didn't understand or didn't care he was just excited that we were going on a trip and that mommy wasn't working. 

We set out to our journey after a few Hail Mary's and Our fathers we arrived at the doctors office. The office is located right next to the hospital where I will be delivering my baby.  It's also were I delivered Lucas and Noah. When we got there I told them that's the place where we first met. Lucas of course asked a thousand questions and Noah was confused of how we could have met for the first time there. It was quite hilarious to have Lucas explained it to him after awhile Noah just gave up and asked when we were getting to Six Flags. I was confused. "Baby we are not going to Six Flags today". He replied "oh man, I thought we were going on rides, do you have candy, I want some Candy or pasta". The fun was just beginning.  

I get the stroller out and buckle Noah in. Noah is my crazy one so I needed to make sure that he was buckled in with no where to go. We set out and walked to the building where the doctor was. As soon as we entered the building they couldn't wait to get to the elevator. Lucas was so excited that the elevator talked to us. It said it was safe to get in and told us what floor we were going to and when we had arrived and when it was safe to exit the elevator. Noah was too busy trying to get out of the stroller to care about a random voice in the elevator. We arrive at our floor and I go in with my two boys and my belly. The Barones have arrived. Thankfully there was only one woman in the waiting area and she soon was called in after we arrived.  It's like they knew to clear out the room. I checked in and took out the books. We read for a little while but Noah began to twitch in the stroller. This is when one of the older nurses came out and asked if we would like cartoons. All three of us said "yes" with such excitement you think she had offered candy. I sat back while they watched Max and Ruby. Lucas said "mommy this is for babies". I knew it was but I  explained how we needed our little guy (Noah) to be quiet. Lucas got me, we get each other and he totally agreed. Afterall Lucas knew how wild his brother could get and didn't want to deal with it  either. Not sure what I am teaching Lucas with that but at least we agreed. 

The nurse calls my name after 20 minutes. Thank God. They asked me to give them a urine sample. The bathroom was small and I couldn't fit Lucas and a stroller with Noah in it and I was not going to release him from the stroller. I said "Lucas mommy needs you to be a big boy and watch over Noah make sure he is a good boy while mommy quickly pees into the cup". Of course a thousand questions followed of why I was peeing in a cup and why would someone need my pee but I had no time to explain. I told him I would explain later and spoke to Noah. "Noah, mommy is going into that door. I am going to be so quick Lucas will look after you. He smiled and said "OK but I want a banana". I gave into him and left them right outside the door. I cracked the door so they could see me but Noah kept calling for me. I peed so fast that I don't think I even wiped. I came out so quickly with pee in my cup. Lucas quickly said "mommy your pee looks like apple juice". Noah says "I want juice". Everyone laughed. 

We were then escorted to the room and I waited for the doctor. I went and started the DVD player and put headphones in each of them. The doctor came in and they didn't even see her. They were too entertained watching the teenage mutant ninja turtles. The doctor said "these are the best well behaved boys I have ever met. Usually boys are all crazy and all over the place. "Well that's why the little one is strapped in its stroller he is our crazy one". She laughed but I was serious. 

Then I put the DVD on pause and let the boys listened to their brother or sisters heartbeat. They smiled and then asked for me to put the DVD on. I couldn't blame them, the fighting turtles were definitely  more entertaining than the heartbeat of their sibling. 

The doctor gave me a thumbs up and told me baby is doing great. I gave the boys a high five and some gummy bears. We walked out and the receptionist gave me my next appointment card. The boys said their goodbyes and they said "see you soon boys". I smiled and felt victorious. We had survived, I had survived. Fabio called at the exact moment we got in the elevator wondering how we were doing and Lucas quickly said "the elevator talks daddy the elevator talks". Noah was laughing excited to be in the elevator again too.  He noticed the voice this time. Guess that was the most exciting part of the trip for them.  I didn't care I survived and no one had a tantrum and no one left crying. Success. 

The real boss of our house.

Take a look at the real boss of the Barone household. He is 16 years old and bosses everyone in the house. He has been with me since I was a junior in college and has never left my side. If he could talk he would tell you all my secrets  but he is loyal or smart enough to know if I don't treat him well he would gladly find a way to divulge all of my secrets. 

Puffball was the first one that my husband had to win over. If puffball didn't like him I would have said goodbye to Fabio but thankfully puffball fell in love with my husband just as soon as I did. It was important to me that puffball love my husband and vice versa. Then came my first born Lucas. Everyone thought puffball would have a hard time with sharing mommy so I made sure not to exclude him ever and to still leave time for cuddling with my Puffball. At bed time I would feed Lucas and then put him in the crib, then I would rock puffball and put him in his own little bed it was an extra bouncy seat I had. I made sure that Puffball felt that he was my baby too and he felt it for sure. Puffball quickly would know the bedtime routine and would stay in his bouncy seat until I went to bed and then he would come and sleep with us in our bed. People who didn't know me, my husband or Puffball thought I was being silly or crazy for giving so much attention to a cat but the thing was they didn't know us. People who knew me, knew my love and respect for any living thing and those who knew my husband knew that about him too. Those who knew Puffball  knew how important we were to each other and how close we have been through out the years. Puffball and Lucas soon fell in love too. Then Noah came. I didn't have to do the same routine with Puffball when Noah came, he knew now that Noah was a baby and needed the attention. He began spending more time with Lucas and Fabio but still every night until today he waits for me in my room to drink water out of the sink and wait for some me and puffball time. Now our third baby is coming and although Puffball is now 16 years old I pray that he lasts a few more years so our third can have some memories of our special Puffball. 

Anyone who has ever met Puffball has fallen in love with him. Not only is he such a handsome guy but he is also so sweet. To this day, he has never bitten me or the children or even scratched them. He is gentle with them even when Noah is hugging him super tight. He is sweet but also stubborn. Puffball does not tolerate messes. If at the end of the day when we all go to bed there is any piles of toys or shoes or any piles of anything he will pee on it. We have had to throw toys, shoes and other things away because of Him. He hates messes, it keeps the kids in line because they know at the end of the day they have to clean up their toys or Puffball will pee on them and they will be thrown out. We have seen Puffball inspect the house at night going to each room and even sits in the corner of the room when the kids are cleaning up to make sure they are doing a good job.  If I am mean to him, don't give him love, ignore him or plainly don't feed him when he asks he will pee on something of mine. When I was younger and would have to go away to work, my mom would say if I was gone longer than two weeks Puffball would get into my closet and take all my clothes off the hanger and all of my clothes off the drawer. That's the way he lets everyone know he was mad that I was gone. 

Puffball doesn't do that anymore, maybe because I don't go away much. But when I have gone away for work he is fine with it, I think now because he has Fabio and the boys or he is too old to care. 

Puffball is very strict about how he wants his home to be and everyone to behave. If we are yelling at the boys or the boys are fighting he intervenes with his constants meows. Its like he's telling usor whoever  is arguing to stop. He hates arguing. 

I always say that I will have to be hospitalized the day that Puffball leaves me. I can't imagine that day so until then he can be the boss of our house. We wouldn't have it any other way. 

That same old feeling.....

I should have known....... that same old feeling. My gut telling me something was going on, something was changing, something was coming. I had been through this before, two times.....I knew. I should have seen the signs, they were everywhere, I was familiar with them. Maybe I was afraid, I thought that chapter in my life was closed. God had other plans.

I awoke one morning and felt a sudden difference, I had felt this way before but I couldn't quite figure it out. The flu was going around and the stomach bug was striking homes but that was not quite it. As the morning passed I began to feel pain in my breasts. I knew that feeling but could it be?  As I was getting older, that feeling was becoming more frequent and stronger when I got closer to aunt Flo's visit once a month. Could I be going through menopause....early menopause?  

Sure Aunt Flo was a few days late but I had been working a lot those days and I just thought Aunt Flo was late, she had been late before so I was not worried at all. 

The next day I went to brush my teeth and threw up three times......definitely the  stomach flu I thought. I was in the car later that day and heard a song that reminded me of college and that old boyfriend that broke my heart, I began crying.....sobbing.....like the river wild. I had not cried for this boy for over 17 years....but there I was crying over a song that reminded me of him. What????!!!!!

I was more exhausted than usual, was passing out by 9pm and by 3pm I felt that I needed a long nap. I thought my RA was coming back strong again. I made an appointment to see my doctor the week after to see if we could increase the meds. 

I hate orange juice and Love coffee, one morning I woke up and chugged a tall glass of orange juice and the smell of coffee made me puke. What?!!!!!???  This must be earlyt menopause or insanity.  

On a Friday evening, we were at Tae Kwon Doe for Lucas belt test. I was pooped and Noah like usual could not sit still. He was an animal running all over the place. Fabio and I took shifts watching him making sure that he did not disturb the tests. When it was my turn to sit down i sat next to my brother-in-law (sisters husband). As soon as I sat down he says "are you pregnant". Out of the blue.....as if saying it was as natural as saying hello. "WHAT!!!!! No I am not pregnant, we are done remember, shop is closed, out of business". I said. I was so offended. Did I look bigger than usual?  What would he ask such a horrible question?  My sister came over and sat next to us and I whisper to her what her husband had just asked me. She was so mad at him "you never tell a woman she is pregnant when she is not...you are so rude". She said. Good now she was mad at him, serves him right for saying something so silly. 

He goes on to say "well, she looks exhausted, not like her glowing self, I just thought she might be pregnant" he says. Then it hit me......exhausted......not like myself.  Fabio walked over at this point and I told him what had just happened. He laughed and said " don't worry, we are done, of course you look tired, Noah is nuts". Still I thought....could I be? 

We got home that evening and as soon as the kids were in bed I ran to the bathroom sink. I prayed that I had at least one pregnancy test left from before. Bingo, I had one, and it didn't expire yet. I quickly took it and anxiously waited for it in the bathroom. My heart was pumping. It couldn't be I thought, I had always wanted three but my RA disease would make it so hard to handle three, plus I had begun to love our life with our two boys. I accepted and loved our lives. Noah was out of diapers, Lucas was behaving so well and Fabio and had begun going on dates and double dating again.  Life was great now. I looked at the stick and there it was, the thruth, the confirmation that my life was yet again going to change. Two lines......red as clear lines....I was pregnant for the third time. Oh boy...or girl....oh man. 

I ran to the family room and saw Fabio on the couch, he was sitting watching television like the other two times I had told him this news. He saw my face and asked what was wrong. I couldn't speak...I handed over the stick that would also change his life....he saw it and looked at me and it with fear in his eyes. He hesitated but took it and said "is this yours". Ahhh, I wanted to smack him, no I had someone else pee on a stick and now I want to share it with you. I whispered yes. There was silence. We both didn't say anything and then I started crying, sobbing and he held me and then I went to bed. We didn't speak of it, afterall it was 9 pm and I needed to sleep. The next day I bought 4 more pregnancy test, even the idiot proof ones that say "pregnant or not pregnant". You know...just in case you can't understand the other ones with the directions of the lines and what means what. I needed to make sure I completely understood the test in case I confused the lines. God knows i wasn't myself these days. Four test later and all confirmed that number 3 was coming. Even the idiot proof ones said "pregnant ". Yes I was, no doubt now, my life was going to change, all of our lives will change. 

That old feeling was our baby saying " hello there mommy I'm coming ready or not"  Surprise...yes.....scared....yes....but so thankful that God thought that we deserved another member of our family. We await till December 24, (can you tell it was not planned) for our third...Christmas will never be the same. Wish us luck. 

"Fat" is not OK!!!!

Growing up I did not have the best perception of myself. Didn't like my body, didn't like my face, hated my voice .........it sounded like a chipmunk and hated that I was toooo nice, I didn't have a backbone. I had wonderful parents that always reassured me that I was beautiful and smart and that being too nice was not a weakness. It still didn't help, I wanted to be as beautiful as my older sister and as smart as my younger. Thankfully with help from my parents, friends, family and sisters and Fabio my perception of myself changed. I accept who I am and respect who I have become. 

  When I met Fabio and we talked about having children I knew I wanted to make sure that my kids always felt beautiful, smart and confident. Fabio is the complete opposite of me. He is confident about himself, strong minded. not always a strenght i may add ;)), is nice but sticks up for what he believes no matter what, he doesn't let anyone or anything bring him down. I wanted our kids to feel that ......boy or girl. 

God so far has given me boys and from the minute they were born I have always commented on how handsome they are. In fact, every morning after they brush their teeth and I am brushing their hair I ask them "look in the mirror......who do you see". Their response "a handsome smart boy". And they smile........ BIG. Maybe I am making them conceited but I need them to not only know it but see it and I'm trying the best I can.  Noah has been called cute by others to which he responds "I not cute I handsome". He knows it at 3..... he knows it. 

Another thing I wanted the boys to learn was that just because they feel good about themselves doesn't mean that if they see someone that looks different than them that they should treat them bad. Growing up I hated the word "fat". It was an awful word, not a potty word but a hurtful word. I taught the boys that this word was not acceptable in our home, that it should never be used and we should always defend those who are called that and advise those that use theword,  that its not a nice word. Our cat Bashy is what most would consider plump. When Lucas was little and he asked if Bashy was "fat" we told him that we didn't like that word and that it was a hurtful word. "We prefer to say he is just a little big". A friend of Lucas came over one day and saw Bashy and yelled "fat cat". Lucas quickly ran and covered Bashys ears and said that it was hurtful to say the word and that we prefer to say he is just a little big. The boy looked at us strange but never has used that word in our home again. 

At Lucas school right before school was over a mom came up to me and asked "are you lucas mom?". I was scared that he was in trouble and that I as his mother would get blamed. She proceeded to tell me that her daughter had come home one day so happy. Her daughter went on to say that she was at school recess when all the kids began calling her "fat" and they were all laughing and she was crying. All the kids joined in and laughed but one kid didn't laugh and came forward, grabbed her hand and said "everyone stop laughing, you are not being nice, you should never use that word, its a hurtful word. God made her this way and she is perfect". He then turned to her and said "don't cry, you are perfect just the way God made you". That kid ......:was my Lucas. The kids left the girl alone and Lucas stayed with her until recess was over. Later in the day he gave her a drawing. The drawing her mom explained had the little girl dressed up as a princess on top of a stage and everyone else on the floor was drawn tiny. The little girl felt so special and the mom was so grateful and I .......was SO PROUD.  "You are raising a good kid", she said. 

Another parents came up to me a few weeks before and asked again "are you Lucas mom". He went on to explain that his daughter is a little slow. She doesn't have a learning disabilities but is just natural slow at doing things and is not good at sports at all due to her being slow (I can relate I am not good at any sports either). He said that his daughter told him that Lucas never makes fun of her and always waits for her, he is the only kid that does that in the class. The dad thanks me for raising such a good kid. Again, I was beaming with joy and such admiration for my sweet boy. 

Noah is still little but I have no doubt he will also be like his big brother Lucas. With all the craziness in our life's, it is nice to know that the values that we are teaching the boys is sticking to them. That makes all of the chaos worth it.  

First family vacation.

O

Ahhh...... Vacation!  It use to be music to my ears when I was single. Then as a mom it was time with my little guys. When Lucas and Noah were little I use to look forward to just that one on one time with them. As they are getting older it turns into weeks of things I had to get done, weened them off the bottle, take away the pacifier, big boy bed transition and of course potty training. I have always taken a week off to do this. Fabio....just couldn't, he wouldn't have survived. He is a tough man and a devoted Father but Patience is not in him ........at all and all those tasks involved "patience" so I bit the bullet and took care of it myself.  

But now the boys were older and alone time with mommy at home was not enough to keep them satisfied all week. We decided it was time for family vacation.  It had to be about them. Wherever we went and did it had to include them and make sure they had a good time. We couldn't do Disney because we wanted to drive and not drive for hours. We decided to do amusement parks. We would do two days of Dutch Wonderland, two days of Hershey Park and two days of Great Adventure. We didn't make concrete plans due to both Fabio and I being busy at work and between birthday parties and end of the year for the boys at school  it turned out to be too much. So we were kind of winging it and that actually made it fun. We made reservations the day we were leaving for all three parks and were excited for our adventure. The boys couldn't notkeep their excitement down.  

On the way to Dutch I put on a movie for them but they were screaming with joy.  Thank God "power rangers movie" calmed them down. When we arrived in lancaster we were starving and the boys were jumping for joy when we got to our room. They were jumping on beds and laughing. It was cute. It also didn't help that a wedding was going on downstairs and you could hear the music and from our balcony you can see the guests dancing. The wedding ended at ten and then it was lights out. 

The boys loved Dutch and all the rides. They were beside themselves not knowing which rides  to go to first. We stayed till really late and we could see that one day of thrilling rides was already too much for them but we had to go through the rest. The next day the boys couldn't wake up. They were exhausted. They couldn't even eat breakfast. They had no energy. This was going to be fun. I decided to dress the boys alike so it will be easier to find them. As you can see from the  picture of both of them Noah couldn't even smile and Lucas looked disoriented. From the picture of me and Fabio you can also see Fabios fake smile as his exhaustion was also setting in. I was happy not to be cooking, working or having to do anything around the house. I smiled. 

The next day Lucas woke up and his cheeks were bright red almost like someone had slapped him really hard and under his eyes were large red circles. We panicked and cancel our morning Amish buggy ride and took him straight to the hospital. It was his first time and our first time with our kids in the Emergency room. The service at this hospital was unreal. From the moment we walked in to the moment we walked out we were there for exactly 45 minutes. Have never heard of this before and I have been to the ER plenty of times. Turns out our Lucas had Fifths disease a virus that was going around in his school. It makes their cheeks very red and with time the redness goes away and they feel better. But they do have flu like symptons during the rash. it's not dangerous only to pregnant women in their first trimester.  It's only contagious before the rash so that's why it can easily be passed on. By the time the redness comes they are no longer contagious. The second picture shows lucas with his red cheeks still smiling.  

Then we were off the Hershey park. The doctor said Lucas might be tired (that explains it) and Noah will probably be getting it too. Wonderful we thought. Let them eat whatever they want just as long as they eat and stay hydrated. So we gave them all the junk food they desired. I never had to fight with them to eat their food.... it was fantastic. Wish I could do this forever.  

When we got to Hershey we tried the water park and Noah was not having it. He hated it. Refused to get anywhere near the water. I tried taking pictures again and tried also in the car but they were both so grumpy. I yelled "we are going to have fun, we are going to smile, I am just as tired but we are going to smile because we need pictures to remind us of this wonderful family vacation so suck it up and smile for the camera". Yes I said Suck it up, very unlike me but it got the point across. Their faces were in shock and when I said cheese they smiled. 

When we got to Hershey our hotel sucked and after one night we went to another that we loved. Except a tropical storm was there and we lost power only for a few hours at night. Thank God the boys were tired and fell asleep. While at Hershey we visited their zoo and as we passed the wolves there was a horrible urine odor. A boy about 4 years old behind Noah yelled "yuck you stink". Noah thought the boy was referring to him. Noah turned around and yelled "you are a mean boy, you don't say that word, I no stink". Then turned to me and said "mommy that boy mean, I no stink mommy". The boys mom explained that her son was talking about the wolves but Noah stomped his tiny feet up the hill and Fabio, Lucas and I laughed. It was priceless. I tell you that Noah does not stand back. 

By the time we got to great adventure Fabio and I were all tired out of the amusement parks. We were exhausted. We decided to only do the safari and went home a day early. 

On the day back home no one spoke to each other. The kids went to play with their toys quietly and Fabio and I just layer on the couch in and out of consciousness. We had don it,

we had survived our first family vacation and although it had been fun it had been tough work. Now if only we could take a vacation from that vacation. No can do, tomorrow back to work. Oh man. 

Mr. Manners!!!!

When Lucas was born we knew manners were going to be one of the things that we needed to instill in him. He was a natural, so smooth, manners came easily to him. We got some many compliments on how well behaved he was with others (not us...but that's fine) and how polite he is. He even knows what words are appropriate and what aren't. He knows that "fat" is not a bad word but a hurtful word and should never be used. He even corrected his teacher when she referred to one of the crayons as the fat crayons. He is sensitive and I love it. 

Then we have my 3 1/2 year old Noah. He looks delicious, you can just eat him up. Most people see him and want to squeeze those cheeks and touch his shiny straight hair but he won't have it. We have taught Noah all the skills of being a good well manner boy. We did such a good job with Lucas we knew Noah would be a piece of cake. But like they say no kid is alike, Noah for now does not have manners. Sure he says Thank you, God bless you, please and excuse me but that is as far as it will go. He is very honest about everything and has no problem expressing himself. 

We were at Tae Kwon Doe where we go at least twice a week since Lucas has class there. The moms and dads we see there we see all the time so Noah knows all of them. One day one of the frequent moms we see came over and touch Noah's hair. He quickly turned around and pushed her hand away and yelled "don't touch me, don't touch my hair.... Mommy she touch me I don't know her". I apologized so many times and asked Noah to apologize. Of course he did but still was mad that she had dare touched his hair. 

Another time, at the playground, a little girl approached Noah and said"you are cute". He turned around and put on a mad face and yelled " I NOT CUTE I HANDSOME!!!" That is my Noah...rude but very confident. 

We are at Dutch Wonderland this week for a family vacation. On one of the rides, Lucas did not want to get on the kiddie ride with Noah and so Noah went on his own. Noah was fine with it until they put a girl next to him.  He gets up and yells " I don't want this girl sitting next to me, girls are stinky, get out girl". Thank God the mom was understanding and did not get mad. I said " Noah sit or we go home". That calmed him down but he could not wait to get off. He looked mad the whole ride  and then when he got off he began pouting about the stinky girl next to him. 

At my nephews christening a few weeks ago , I asked Noah not to sing in the mass because a t the christening there was no music. He wasn't listening so again I smiled and said "Noah quiet". He yells back in a quiet church "mommy you make me sooo mad, I want to sing, I want to sing and that's it". I would have crawled under a hole or given him time out but as all eyes were on me including Fabio who was the GodFather, I went to the floor eye level to him and said "Jesus is mad right now and he is going to tell Santa not to bring you presents on Christmas so be silent or else". That did the trick for the meantime. Hey I know I was mean but I was desperate. Hope he is not mean because of me. Great....now he will be scarred for life. 

At nursery school one day the director called me and said Noah had been sent to her because he was being bad. He apparently did not like the bows and clips on the girls hairs so he decided to ripped them off their hair pulling hair along with them. He did it to at least two girls. Lucas is a Kindergarden and went to the same nursery school and has never been sent to the principal or directors office. I was embarrassed and when we asked Noah at dinner what had happened, he replied "I don't like clips on girls hairs, its so silly, I don't like girls". We talked about keeping our hands to ourselves and he said "fine" stomping his feet as he walked away.

 

I don't know how or why our Noah has become so......unlike me because of course its a reflection on me but we will have to work hard to make him a better member of society or else the principal will be calling us a lot in the future. I blame genetics and ...........Fabio. 

If you ever meet Noah I apologize in advance. I would advice you to move on and hang out with Lucas. You have been warned!!!!

Losing our power.

Fabio asked me today "what do we do, the boys are not believing our threats anymore, we are losing our power."  Sadly, they have caught on to mommy and daddy tricks. They know mommy and daddy won't leave them on the side of the road, even when they open the door of the car and threatened to take them out and leave them. They know their toys won't be given to other boys and girls. They know that mommy and daddy won't give away our cats, Puffball and Bashy. They know. They have caught on that mommy and daddy love them and they are all talk. 

The other night we went to a 25th wedding anniversary party. It was for Fabios cousin (who is more like a sister) and her husband. They celebrated 25 years of putting up with each other and dealing with the ups and downs and still sticking together. That's a great accomplishment.  At the party we bumped into couples who have also been married a long time. As we were discussing our kids, one mom said something so wise. I wanted to stop the music and make a public announcement. What she said I have probably heard before but had not quite paid attention because maybe it didn't affect me at the time. It did now. She said "you can't make a big fuzz about things when they are little and as they get older, afterall these are all stages they have to go through and they keep getting harder and harder". She now had a 15 year old teenager. Another parent said, "3 and 6 years old is the best ages, they are still sweet, our kids are 18 and 21, its a different ball game". These parents were so right. I love meeting older couples with older children, their advice is enormous.  They make you feel better about moments were you think you have hit rock bottom with a tantrum. 

The other day, I picked up Noah from my parents house and Lucas was in the car. We had gotten a rental car because our minivan was getting repaired after an accident. We got a car that our insurance would pay for which was a Volkswagon Passat. Noah began screaming that he left a power ranger at grandpas house. I calmly told him we were already heading home and will pick up the toy tomorrow. He was not having it. He began to scream and scream. Lucas covered his ears. I realized at that moment how much I love love my mini van. In the Passat he was sitting right behind me, it's like he was screaming right into my ear. In the mini van the car is bigger and he is further in the back making his cries more tolerable. It's the little things that help you survive these moments. 

My nephew was baptized the other day, and at church Noah began singing when no one was singing. I asked him quietly to be quiet but he answered "no I want to sing and you are a mean mommy". All eyes were on me. I whispered if you don't be quiet mommy will not lay with you for 5 minutes when you got to bed. His answer " I don't want you, I want daddy to sleep with me for 5 minutes ". The threat had not worked. My three year old figures out that who cares if mommy was not there he has his back up daddy. It use to work with Lucas. :(

Warnings are exhausting. Fabio gives one warning and they listen and never do it again. I give one warning and then I feel bad and give another and then another and they know mommy is all talk. American super nanny said that one warning should be enough and they should know you mean business and that's it. Fabios got that going for him.  Me not so much. The other day I tell Lucas that if he says one more potty word I will take his crayons away (Lucas loves drawing). A few minutes later he says another potty word. I take his crayons and explain why. The next day he comes home with his pencil box from school. He says mommy I brought my crayons from school so you can keep those crayons you took away. Wise guy. 

They are getting smarter but the things that they say are funny after the moment has passed and you look back. I keep telling myself enjoy these moments..... Enjoy these moments.....enjoy these moments........and Secretly I do. 

Yucky bugs!!!!

I hate bugs!!!!!  Tiny bugs,small bugs, big bugs ......any type of bugs creep me out. I hate them. Maybe it's because I grew up in the city but we had cockroaches and ants there too and I still hated them. Not only are they disgusitng looking but some are pretty scary. I grew up with two sisters who also detested bugs. My dad hated them too, my mom was fearless. She didn't like them but she could grab a spider with no problem and put it back outside of the house. She grew up in a farm so I am sure that's where the braveness and indifference came from.

I moved to the suburbs and began seeing more bugs and ......bugs I had never seen before. Yuck!!!!!  Then Lucas was born and I tried to protect him from them. I would not let him get anywhere near bees, spyders or ants. Fabio would laugh at me and show Lucas all the bugs that our backyard could offer. Yuck!!!! He was fearless like my mom, he grew up in the suburbs. Lucas didn't hate the bugs or was disgusted by them....he wanted to save them and take care of them. He never wanted me to kill a bee, spyder or ant. He would ask me nicely to take it back out into the backyard. I would have killed them in the past but when Lucas was born I wanted him to be kind and sweet to everyone and every living thing. I screwed myself. I now have to find a way to get the bees out of the house before it stings me. I have to trap the spider and then set it free. I can't just stomp on the ant, I have to take her outside. My sweet Lucas had thought me to love these bugs and accept them into my life. 

Three years forward and Noah was born and made me ICKY of bugs all over again. Noah is fascinated by bugs.  He brings me ants and tells me "mommy the ant is sick". No I tell him "the ant is dead baby you squeeze him with your tiny fingers". He says. " oh sorry ant". 

He picks up spiders by one leg and brings them to me as the spider is trying to wiggle out. 

Noah digs like a dog in our back yard and pulls out worms and then brings them to me and tells me (as if I didn't know) that they are called worms. Lucas then runs and takes the worm and puts it back in the dirt so that it doesn't die. 

Noah brings me back bugs of any kind like that pet dog/cat that brings back dead animals for their owners. My sweet Noah gardens me with bugs. He brings me bees still alive kicking as he is holding them with his tiny chubby fingers. I then quickly have to kill the bees so they don't sting us out of vengeance for Noah's attack. 

Noah likes to bring me slugs, beetles and some bugs I don't even know what they are. Poor Lucas tries to save everyone one of them. I actually find myself trying to save those animals from Noah's chubby fingers, all except for the bees. 

No matter what, my boys have taught me to be fearless, caring and most of all embrace these tiny creatures in our lives but they are still yucky. 

A six year old tantrum.

IBack in the day, invites to social events where for Fabio or I.  We like to think we were popular, we enjoyed going to these events and see our friends and family. Now, our social life is dictated by our kids popularities. Every week something is happening,either a play date, sports event, school event or birthday party. My calendar is filled with being the boys driver to and from places. 

One Saturday, we had soccer for Lucas in the morning followed by two separate birthday parties. The night before lucas  had a belt test for Tae Kwon Doe so needless to say he was tired. 

At each party all the moms would look at each other when we heard crying and I am sure each one of us was praying that it wasn't our child. Please let it be someone else's so I don't look like the one with the kid with the issue. When i looked at the first party and realized it was my Lucas, I wanted someone else to claim him. I thought the moms would look at me judgmental but no they looked at me with........pity. They felt bad that I had to be embarrassed and deal with him. Lucas had fallen from the bouncy house and had scraped his knee on the carpet. It was a tiny scrape but for a kid his age it was an emergency. He starts whining that he needs a band aid and that his blood was going to be shooting out at any second. He could have won an Emmy for his great performance. I did what any desperate mom would do, I offered him cake after the party if he was good. With that he responded that it was a birthday party and so cake would be offered. Oh that smart kid.....he knows what's up...... He is six after all. Then why these dramatic tantrums I thought. I looked at the moms and they had moved to another room them I turned mean mommy on. I took him to the bathroom and said " listen Mr Lucas you have a scrape and when we get home mommy will take care of it but for now you will stop your yelling and get back out there and smile and enjoy the cake and not ruin your friends bday party, and as for the cake enjoy it and because that is the last sweet thing you will have for a long time. This is your only warning". He knew I meant business. He wiped his tears and went into the party room. The moms just smiled at me and I smiled back. Hopefully the embarrassment is over. But it wasn't.....the biggest cry was just about to come. He ate the pizza....sang happy birthday and then ate cake. We were almost out the door when the favors were being handed out. The kids began trading the toys in their favor bags and Lucas was getting left out. A grandmother holding her own favor bag was standing near Lucas. He says to her" open your bag and let's trade". She says no that she was holding the bag for her grandson. Lucas insisted and grabbed her bag. He was desperate. I jumped right in apologized to the grandmother , said my goodbyes to the moms and then grabbed Lucas hand and led him out the door. He began screaming. I walked out with a screaming kid and smiled at everyone on the way out to my car. What can I do but smile?  I had to take it like a big girl. My Lucas.....my six year old was having a tantrum and I had to suck it up and deal with it. I put him in his car seat and buckled him in and drove out of the parking lot while he was still crying. I get to my first stop light out the parking lot and look back and he is out. He was tired and his crying was how he dealt with his exhaustion. I wasn't a bad mom I just had a kid who was tired after all week of school, tae Kwon doe, soccer and T-ball. He earned his exhaustion. 

He slept in the car for about 45 minutes. I got to my house and stayed in the driveway until he woke up. I closed my eyes too I needed a nap as well. By the second party he was back to his old self and someone's else's kid cried. Thankfully it was not mine. 

Star of the week.

Lucas was star of the week. A complete week just for him to....to celebrate him. Secretly I was dreading it but he had been waiting since September for his week and it finally had arrived. I mean I wanted him to have it but it was so much to prepare. For Monday, I had to prepare a poster of his life with baby pictures, his favorite things and what he wants to be when he grows up. I stayed up all night the weekend before doing this poster. I wanted it to be perfect. Yes I have had since September to prepare so I shouldn't complain but of course with kids there is no time. I made the poster finally and Lucas loved it when I showed it to him (Fab didn't help, he had done the preschool poster for star of the week so he thought it was my turn.....he thought......you have to learn to pick your battles but thats another blog). Then on Tuesday he had to bring in his favorite book for the class to read. Wednesday I had to write either a letter or a short story where he was the main character (this I had to do....I am more creative in this than the Fabster......although he had some criticism but no suggestions.....you have to ..you know the drill). I spent two days really focusing on what I should write and what I should said.

It read as follows.

Do you know a superheroe ? I will tell you about our superheroe.

On 2/17/07, a superhero was born. His name is Lucas Barone. Although no one knew at the time, he had hidden powers and was going to change the world. From the moment he was born he was special to his Mommy and Daddy and soon everyone saw how magical he was, and of course how handsome he became. One of Lucas powers was his big bright sunshine smile. Greatest smile in the world. You see, Lucas smile could brighten up any room. His smile is like the sun, his rays go everywhere and everyone around him could feel the warmth and his smile makes you smile. In fact, I bet he is smiling right now and everyone in the room is warm .....and ...smiling. Do you see his magical power?

Another power Lucas has is he could run super super fast like..... Superman. You should see him playing soccer, no one can keep up with him. I bet eating all of those yummy oranges helped him run so fast or maybe he is just that fast because of his powers. Once Lucas helped his little brother Noah from a stranger. Mommy took Lucas and Noah to the mall and Noah let go of mommys hand and began talking to a stranger and Lucas quickly ran after Noah and grabbed his hand and told him not to talk to strangers and to always stay close to mommy and daddy. Lucas used his super power of running fast to help his brother.

Lucas is also super strong. He never cries when he hurts himself in the soccer field. He just gets up and doesn't quit, he keeps trying. Lucas also helps his mommy. His mommy sometimes is very sick and weak. Lucas helps his mommy by lending a hand when she can't walk. He is so strong and sometimes he holds his mommy so she won't fall. He is super strong.

Lastly, Lucas is super smart. In fact, so smart he is going to become a scientist. As a scientist he is going to make superheroes like him so there wont be any more bad people. He says that bad people will get one warning and they have to make good choices. The bad people will make the good choice to be good and everyone will be safe because of the superheroes.

Do you see how powerful this superhero is? Lucas has said that he will change the world. You know what boys and girls, I bet he is, because he is doing it right now. So next time, someone tells you that superheroes don't exist, tell them they are wrong because you know......... Lucas.
The End

This is what the teacher read to the class I also included the class names of the students in each part of the "powers" saying how each of them had the same power. One little girl said "wow lucas you do have powers you are making me smile right now". Love the innocence. Thursday was show and tell and he brought in a toy he loves (Fab helped with this....it was a hard job I bet). On Friday, it was a surprise reader which was me (Fabio had to work and it was my day off....how convenient for him) and I had to bring in snacks for all the kids. Some of them said "Mrs. Barone you only brought one snack". I was told one snack and I stuck to the rules...greedy kids.

The boys were asking some many questions...the girls were commenting on my appearance "you are very pretty Mrs Barone" "I like your top Mrs. Barone" "You are the sweetest prettiest mom". Hmm... whenever I need a pick me up I will make sure to come read a book. At the end of reading two books, all the kids were staring at me as if "what else you got". Thank God, it was lunch time.

So this star of week never existed when I was little I would have loved it. Even though I complain of the work, it was lovely to see Lucas so happy that his time had finally come. Check out the pictures below.

Praise the stay at home moms!!!

I am a working mom, I always enjoyed working.....never thought of staying home. When my boys were little I felt that they were too little to notice if I was around but as they get older I see how much they need me and how much I miss them. I am lucky enough to have a job that allows flexibility at times so I am able to be home to pick up Lucas from the bus and work back in the evening plus i also get to work from home one day a week and be able to stay home with them if they get sick. I am also lucky enough to have my parents taking care of my boys when I am working. But even with those luxuries I feel I am not 100% there for my boys. In the back of my mind even when I am picking him up from that bus stop I am still thinking about work. So last year I decided that every vacation that I will take will be the weeks that the kids have off from school. I thought it would be great quality time with them and I would not be thinking of work. I loved it. I took the Feb break off but Lucas ended up having school. I focused on potty training Noah I was exhausted by the end of the week. I didn't go anywhere focusing on the potty training. At the end of the week Fabio said "you look like a beat down woman". I was soooo tired but the results were a success. Last week was the boys spring break and I was so excited to spend quality time wih my boys. I thought it would be relaxing and fun, like the commercials that you see on TV when the mom has gotten allergy relief medicine and then starts running (looking beautiful I may add) after her children in a beautifully landscaped backyard with the grass as green as ever. I thought it would be like that but it wasn't. I did not look beautiful, kids were crying....I was crying and the grass was dead.

From 7am to 730/8pm I was with them all day. No breaks. They went everywhere I went. They followed me like paparazzi and never lost me even when I tried to escape. They had energy all day and where hungry every hour. They asked for me every half an hour and then there was whining.......crying.....pleading......beggingand screaming (from them not me....OK maybe it was me too.....don't judge me). I also was not feeling well, fighting off a cold but there were no breaks to tend to me when my two demanding boys are after me. Even our two cats where passed out by 7 pm after not being able to sleep all day from having the boys make so much noise during the day. I would take them outside in the AM and by the time we came in for lunch I just wanted to lay on the couch with my feet up but not them...they were ready for more. Then there was lunch, snack times and dinner not to mention the breakfast. I barely ate (I could have drank) and the days seemed to go by so slow and my evening to myself so fast

Their bed time is 730 for Noah and 8 for Lucas, I would stick to that schedule so that at night I could have time to myself. Don't judge me....I was dying....I needed to take a shower and focus on nothing but the TV in my bed. After the shower, I would end up passing out so I could never watch my shows. Fabio would get home from work and would want to spend every minute he could with the boys (the way I am when I work) but I needed my time. It would be 8:01 and I would give Fabio dirty looks. He was cutting into my time. I would have put then to bed at 7 if I could have but that would be mean. Every night when they were sleeping, I would go into their rooms and apologize to them,kiss them and would feel so guilty. The next day I would try harder but the exhaustion was just too much.

Although the following Monday morning my work routine began all over again I was thankful to be going back to the adult world until Noah began crying when we were leaving Lucas at the bus stop "I want to stay with mommy and Lucas all day". He broke my heart....maybe it was not that bad but then I looked at my two cats who gave me that look "send those kids to school we want to sleep".

Stay at home moms are amazing. That is the hardest job ever and I sucked at it.

Evil ghost.

There must be an evil ghost in my house. A ghost that loves to tease and gets a kick out of driving me crazy. I have tried holy water and having my house blessed but it still likes to taunt me. Do you want to know what it does? It hides my laundry. The ghost must be a man because a woman ghost would never do this to another woman. It happens like this. Every two weeks on a Thursday night I collect all of the dirty laundry from the boys rooms, my room and the bathrooms. I arranged them downstairs in colors and whites and then the following day (usually on my Friday off) I do laundry. I ask all my three boys on Friday morning to put any left out laundry by the basement door and I double check the hampers just to make sure. All clear. I do the laundry and put the clothes away. By Saturday morning I am all done and feel accomplished and like.....super mom. How do I do it? This mommy thing is so easy for me and I am the best mommy in the world. A career woman, a wife and an amazing amazing mom....how does she do it all. The evil ghost laughs. By Sunday, there is clothes all over the hampers, the laundry room and the basement door. Its that damn ghost. He is the one keeping me from being the woman I know I can be. Right? It has to be. By the end of that week I have enormous amount of laundry like I never did anything. How can this happen? I then feel unaccomplished! Damn ghost. Then my husband had an idea .......have our cleaning lady do our laundry. I love him. Take that ghost. I welcomed the idea. Ghost is probably crying now. I felt victorious again. Until.......the cleaning lady came and the washing machine stopped working along with a pipe bursting. I bet you it was the ghost. Damn ghost. Time for an exorcism.

Friends. Old and new.

When I first moved to Smithtown I had no friends. All my friends lived far and my closest at least an hour away. Two were in Staten Island, one in Brooklyn, two upstate and one in Florida. Thank God I had my family but I knew no one else. Being recently married at the time I was enjoying spending time with my husband and fixing our house but once the newlywed phase went away ........I was missing my girlfriends. The silly talks, the stories of our high school and college years and oooohhhhh "The Wine". Maybe I miss that one more. Then Lucas came and I was busy with him, nursing, working being a mom and all.....friends still far away. Noah followed and with two kids i had to make the sacrifice to travel to see them for my own sanity. They traveled to see me too but it wasnt the same as calling one up to meet for cofeee or a movie. They were too far. I needed girlfriends, friends to talk to and I needed my sanity or maybe get a little crazy with girls who would understand. Yes I had my lovely sisters but the one that shared my love for wine moved away to be a doctor. What?!!!! And the other wasn't a fan of wine. What?!!!!

Then the play dates with Lucas began and I met my first friend. I met her through Lucas. Her son and my Lucas became friends and so we became friends. Our husbands became friends and our younger sons of the same age became friends (or force to become friends, hey at this point they would not hold us back). It was great. Then Lucas became best friends with another kid and his mom and I became friends. I made my second friend. During that time a colleague of mine move to Long Island and was pregnant and we became friends and that friend in Brooklyn moved to Nassau and we were together once again. I rekindled an old friendship from college and she was close. Lucas pretend girlfriends mom and I became friends and then he went yo kindergarten and we met our neighbors at the bus stop ....friends and play dates.....school and I even met a great friend who like me has a similar disease to mine and goes to the same doctors and has the same treatments as me..... Another friend. In fact I have so many now I can't keep up. I love them all and I keep meeting more every day. The nice thing about these new friends is that we all understand the crazy life of being a mother. Some of them work and others don't but we all can relate to the crazy out of body experiences that we go through after being with our kids when they are whining or crying or having a tantrum. They don't look at me crazy. Even the single one is a kindergarten teacher and can relate.

My high school and college friends and I are still as close as ever and see each other at least twice a year at a spa or hotel. For two weekends a year we are back to the young girls from college that had no responsibilities. It's nice to unwind with them. Each and every one of them are fantastic women. They all bring out a side of me that has either been lost, hiding or never met before. They also make me feel normal and happy and just plain silly.

So all I needed was to have kids and I made friends, now I just need more time to hang out with them.

Oh and all of them....each and every one of them loves.....WINE!!!!!! 😋 The universal language.

Breaking news....my sister the non-drinker I have converted her. She is officially a wine drinker. So proud. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Hello Giada!!!

Hello Giada!!!

So as a working mother, it is so hard to get together a meal every evening. A meal is hard but a healthy meal is challenging. Honestly, I don't really like cooking. I'm not good at it. Maybe that's why. I have this amazing mother and mother-in-law that can really make you go crazy with just the smell of their cooking creations. They are amazing. I have so tried to be as good as they are but somehow I can't. I even follow strict recipes but still nothing. Ask Fabio, he tries to eat it at times but sometimes he can't stand it. Even brownies from the box I mess up. I once put too much oil and they came out so greasy. My sister walked away immediately but my husband ate it all. Poor guy had diarrhea all night.

Now I have two kids and I have to actually make a healthy meal every night. I am saved every Friday night with pizza but the rest of the days I am screwed.

I am running around with work so often that by the time I get home to get Lucas from the bus I am face with what to make for dinner. I have tried the planning my meals on Sunday nights for the whole week but at times it doesn't work when I'm tired of the same old food that I make. Between Tae Kwon Doe classes, swimming classes, soon to be baseball and soccer and that's just the kids activities I am exhausted of the thought of cooking. I have heard mothers say that they love cooking and seeing their kids eat what they have made. Yeah that is nice but when you are pleading with them to please eat that whole moment of "I made it myself" goes out the window.

I was bored of all I knew to make. Until one day when my sisters and I went out to dinner. We were waiting for our table and decided to go next door to Barnes and Nobles and what do I see but a whole area of cookbooks. Yeah, you might say .....duh.....but I hate cookbooks too. They always require some type of ingredient I have never heard of and have to go all over to find. Or sometimes they require all this time to make that I lose my patience. So there she was .........Giada....waiting for me. I opened the book and was filled with excitement. I bought all her books and for one month straight I began making new dishes every day. I was inspired. Some meals my family cringed but others they loved. They finish their meals so fast and they ate with so much excitement.

A month later (Fabio will like to say that it was much sooner) "I lost that loving feeling". I was exhausted to make these delicious brilliant meals every day, I think I over did it. So I went back to the regular meals I make along with some of Giada. I have to find that excitement again. Maybe cooking classes? Fabio would agree to anything at this point.

Seriously where is your mother and when is she taking you home!

I remember bringing Lucas home that first day and Fabio and I stared at him thinking "what do we do now". He was our first and he looked so fragile and delicate. We were afraid to break him. We felt at any moment his real parents will be picking him up. We still feel that way at times and at times we still look at him and wonder "what do we do now". Especially when he asks me questions I don't want to answer. For example, he asks "mommy why are u sitting in the toilet, you are doing it wrong". I say "Lucas mommy and girls pee different than boys we have different parts". He says "let me see what you have". "Absolutely not" I say. "Mommy you see mine all the time and now I want to see yours". Where is your mother? Of course I didn't him let him see mine.

I volunteered at Lucas school for an event, it was the apple experiment. As the teacher was cutting the apple she was using a knife and telling all the kids that they should never use knifes because its dangerous. Lucas out of nowhere says "knifes are dangerous that's true but you just have to be really careful you don't cut yourself. Like when I need to cut something and no one is around I know where the knifes are and very carefully I use the knife and I never cut myself". All eyes were on me from the moms to the teacher to the kids. I wanted to say " I'm Just waiting for his mother to come get him". From then on the knifes and anything sharp is put away in a secret location. So secret Fabio and I can't even find it.

On another occasion, we were going to a restaurant with the boys and the waiter came to ask what we wanted. Noah gently grab the waiters hand and said "Hi! I want to eat. I want pasta". The waiter looked at us probably thinking if we ever feed him. I wanted to say "his mother still has not picked him up and he is eating all our food".

We went to see a play in our local theater "the wizard of oz". It was Noah's first play. Lucas kept asking questions forgetting to use his indoor voice. With a gentle fake smile I asked him to please tone it down but the whisper voice was a loud whisper. At the end of the show we went to meet the cast. As we approached the witch Noah screams "witch witch you bad you bad, you dead". It was cute at first until he kept yelling it and then demanded food. We shoved a cookie in his mouth and ran out before he asked for more.

Fabio let's me sleep in every Saturday as I let him sleep in every Sunday. It's so nice to know I am getting to sleep in without having to feed anyone on Saturdays. One morning my Inlaws got to our house early to stay for the weekend. My mother in law asked for me and Lucas said "mommy Is sleeping, she sleeps all day long and we never see her". Thank God my mother in law loves me and knows this is not true.

I am still waiting for their parents to show up but fortunately they are all ours and are with us forever and that is just perfect. If only the little guy would go easy on the food intake. Does he not know our economy is not doing well? Thank God pasta is cheap.

Waiting and waiting and waiting.

There is nothing people hate more than getting to a doctors appointment on time and waiting hours to be seen. I actually don't mind. I get to just relax and sit for awhile thinking of nothing. I watch everyone else complain and I sit and read. It's really the only time I have to myself. That is not the case when it comes to appointments for the kids. That is when I do complain and plead with the nurses to please let me in before my kids loose their minds and I get all the dirty looks directed at me. This time I had the privilege of having Fabio go with me. He has not gone to the doctor appointments with me since the boys were really little. "It will be nice to take the boys to the Doctors as a family....don't u think Claud". I just laugh an evil laugh inside. "Sure Fab". We had to go to Lucas orthopedic doctor. Lucas had broken a small bone on his left arm a year ago and we were coming back to have it X-ray to make sure it had healed well. The waiting room was full but there were three empty chairs close to each other and one far away. I chose the one far away hoping no one knew I was with them. Lucas gave it away when he called me "mommy" I tried to ignore him but that would be mean. The movie "toy story" was on but finished as soon as we got there. "Damn it". Fabio saw the lollipops and decided to give one to each of the kids. Noah just needs a little sugar and he is nuts. Five minutes later Noah began playing musical chairs and then the man near him moved and offered me his chair and I offered him mine (my heart was breaking). Fabio decided to read Lucas a "national geographic" magazine but lucas kept asking so many questions I could see Fabio getting frustrated after 20 minutes of it. Noah kept playing the musical chair and dancing and singing. The dirty looks kept coming. Fabio got so frustrated that he told Lucas "ok Lucas you are six years old now and you can read this magazine yourself daddy is taking a break" Lucas said"but daddy I don't know how to read this magazine". Fabio got dirty looks I would have intervene but chose to share the love. Poor Lucas he just began reading and his daddy wanted him to read a national geographic magazine with words I probably can't read myself. Trying to control his frustration Fabio got up and ate like 10 lollipops. He then asked the nurse if the movie can be replayed and thank God they put it back on. The boys sat and watched. Then Noah began asking for food again thank God I carry numerous snacks just for Noah (Lucas never asks for them). This went on for half an hour when the nurse said "Lucas". We all jumped with excitement as if we had won a prize. "Oh sorry Lucas will be next". I gave her the dirtiest look. Twenty minutes later they finally called us. We had gotten there on time and were not seen till almost an hour later and it still was not over. We go in the waiting room and Lucas and Noah go nuts. They start trying to touch everything and all of a sudden one of them starts farting. We don't know which one it was because then the doctor comes in and I am sure was completely surprised at the smell he walked into. He begins talking and then explains how someone else will come in to take Lucas for an X-ray.....more waiting and now we are stuck in a smelly room with the two crazy kids. Fifteen minutes later they come get Lucas and Fabio quickly jumps at the chance to leave the smelly room. I was hoping he had taken the smelly kid with him but I actually had him in the room with me and I guess all the chips, apple, banana and lollypops gave him gas. When they returned and entered the room ten minutes later Fabio and Lucas covered their faces and Lucas said "mommy this room smells" and the doctor walked in right after. I hoped he knew it was not me but the little guy still running around and singing in the room. When we finally were told we could leave I went the check out desk and apologized to them for that smelly room and asked if I had a co-pay. I knew I did but they probably wanted us to leave so badly that they would bill me later for it. I am sure Fabio will no longer want to attend these appointments with us but it was gratifying to know that now he knows why after these appointments I am always cranky and exhausted. We got in the car and Noah says "I want to eat pasta". It never ends.

I want my mom.

Being a parent is tough. Along with that is working, keeping your marriage in check, keeping your house in order, maintainin your car, maintaining your own vehicle ( your body), keeping up with play dates, keeping up with school events and keeping up with your friendships. All of it is so much that I sometimes just want to get away from it all. I daydream being alone in a beautiful balcony by the beach where I can hear the waves and have my eyes close and feel the soft warm breeze....... And then I am awaken from that daydream to "mommy.........Claud..........mommy.......Claud......." These are also moments where I want my mommy. There is a song that says "I want to crawl back inside my mothers womb" from Ingrid michaelson". That is so true I would love to do that. I. Fact sometimes I want to do that to my children and do that to Fabio (obviously to his mothers womb not mine). I just remember taking for granted those moments where my mom would caress my hair or hold me in those tight warm hugs and now I want those all the time for strength for a break for a moment of Serenity. Maybe my children would want that one day. I think about my mom saying that now she has all the time in the world and wishes she could have those moments back. I know I will also feel that way in the future where time will pass me by and I will regret complaining about my chaotic life now. I tell that to myself and then I daydream about the beach , about the breeze, about Kevin Bacon......oops I have said too much. 😄

A never ending birthday

What ever happened to having your birthday in your " birth day" for that one day. For my Lucas who turned six yesterday his birthday began on Thursday and ended today. Fabio and I are so tired and so is the birthday boy and his side kick, his brother Noah. In fact Noah who is three didn't care who's birthday it was, he just saw cake, a piñata and pizza and that was it for him, he was invited, he was there and he had a blast. This fiasco began Thursday when I surprised Lucas at school. I volunteer to help our a his class valentines day party and he was so happy. The next day mommy dropped off cupcakes, 10 pink ones with princess rings and 10 light blue ones with superhero rings (all requested by Lucas). Then Lucas was surprised by Fabio who was the secret reader of the day. At the bus stop Lucas was so thrilled to tell me about his fabulous day I then proceeded to take him to toys r us for Noah to pick something out for Lucas. Two hours later we got home for dinner. The next day was filled with Lucas doing what ever he liked, he requested to eat empanadas ( a Spanish treat) all day and he ate it all day. Later in the day, Fabio took Lucas to best buy after Lucas requested to get the skylanders game for his bday. He came home and played and played with daddy. Noah had no idea what video games were he just wanted the figurines and kept stealing them. Lucas was not so happy about that. On Sunday the celebration began, his grandparents arrived from upstate followed by his aunt, uncle, his cousins and his other set of grandparents (my mom and dad) Lucas was beyond excited. His day ( or days) had finally come and he was enjoying every bit of it. The party began win pizza and more empanadas and then the piñata (hoping the candy rush would wear out by the time the party was over so bedtime would be effortless but it wasn't). Then followed "the pin the tail in the donkey" ( the adults played as well). After, we had cake and open presents (Lucas wired with all the candy and being a little bit selfish complained that he didn't get enough toys). I was embarrassed by his reaction but thank God my family was only there. We then did karaoke. I thought the boys would not enjoy it but they got all into it. I mean they really did so did the adults. My sister and I even did "girls just want to have fun" and it was a blast. Then I remember I had a party to attend to. The celebration ended and then bedtime came. Lucas fell asleep fast but our little Noah the party animal did not fall asleep till an hour after Lucas. Noah is a tough party animal, so afraid for his future college years.
Then today his grandparents (Fabios parents) decided to take Lucas and Noah to toys r us so Lucas can pick out one more toy. So we all got in the minivan and went to the big toy store. I was about to pass out. Lucas picked so many different toys and put them in the cart so he could decide later which one he wanted. His poor father kept trying to convince him to get sport toys but all Lucas wanted was superheroes. Noah grab on to a box of power rangers and didn't let go (his grandparents bought it for him, he knew they would). At the end after fighting and pleading with Lucas to please pick a toy Lucas (with help from his father) decided on super Mario Wii game. Fabio and I have always agree on no video games for our kids. But after much talking about it we decided to get it for him. We didn't want him to be left out and now I know why we didn't want it. Lucas had a break down. In the middle of the super Mario game after numerous attempts to not fall off the trail Lucas collapsed on the floor and wept. My birthday boy had closed shop. I carried him brushed his teeth and without a word (ok maybe pleading a little to play more but I ignored it so it doesn't count) he passed out. Noah u ask? Noah also passed out an hour earlier after some pleading not to go to bed but he closed shop shortly after. So now I am in bed exhausted and thankful that the birthday celebration has come to an end and all goes back to normal tomorrow. Thank God Fabio and I are on vacation this week. Tomorrow potty train begins for Noah. Pray for us.