I just want to feed myself.

Oh those were the days when I only had to feed myself I ate as slow or fast as I wanted. I savored every taste and enjoyed every bit of my meal. I wasn't really a "food" person before I met Fabio, actually didn't enjoy it, I had my issues. But when I met Fabio it completely changed. He ate with such pleasure, he devoured his food entirely, didn't leave anything behind. He really seemed to enjoy every bit of his meal, its as if with every bite he was dancing and smiling. I began enjoying it myself too, we went to every restaurant in the area possible, we tasted many different meals, I tried new things due to Fabio. It was really a wonderful way of living, I loved and looked at food in a new light. I couldn't wait to have our children and do the eating together as a family thing, it will be wonderful with each one of us sharing our "lows" and highs" of the day, laughing and most of all enjoying our food. Little that I realize that I actually had to do the cooking myself.  I don't know who I thought would be doing the cooking.  I really try to cook but I am not good at it.  I make your basics.  My Mother, Father and Mother-in-law are wonderful cooks and I really try to cook like them but Fabio can tell you it's a work in progress.  When I was pregnant with Lucas and Noah, I loved loved loved food, I could no stop eating.  Thankfully, I only gained 35 pounds with each pregnancy but I sure felt like I was heavier.  I don't know what it was but I loved food.  After Lucas was born, I could not wait until Lucas sat with us at the dinner table.....that would be great I thought.  I was so wrong.  As a baby Lucas ate very well but right after his first birthday he stopped eating.  Later came, eating but limited, after that it was eating but at slow slow slow pace.  Now, its "Lucas please eat.....Lucas please eat.....Please Lucas just eat......EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We even started the "timer", when the bell goes off, if he has not eaten all of his food then he has to go straight to bed for the rest of the night. We meant business, there was times that he did not eat and we sent him right to bed.  Of course, he cried the whole way there.  That ended, after Fabio and I got stressed, we could not enjoy our food knowing that when he was not finishing, we would have to be the bad guys and end up sending him to bed.  We have no plans anymore.  We gave up for now and just plead with him to eat faster.  Argh!

Our Noah is different, we are not fast enough to feed him.  We feed him and as soon as the spoon goes out he screams he wants more.  Now that he feeds himself (certain foods) he uses the fork and when that does not work he grabs his food in fists and shoves it his mouth.  He shoves back anything that falls out.  He eats constantly and does not take a break.  He is a fast eater and I cannot enjoy my dinner because I feel like I am in a contest. 

I am in a no win situation.  Sometimes, I just sit with my boys and wait for them to finish eating and then eat alone where I can actually enjoy my food. 

Oh, how I miss those days of dining with my Fabsters.  One day, I know we will eat as a family.  For now, I will just have suck it up. 

Shoe Shopping with a side of tantrums

I needed shoes for my friend Carrie wedding. I had gone to a few stores but I couldn't find the right ones that would fit my bridesmaids dress. Before my boys, I had the luxury of going to as many stores & being picky. I don't have that luxury anymore. Fabio was busy doing lawn work. We usually take one child each so we can get things done quicker but this time I needed both boys to buy them shoes as well. Something I was not looking forward to.  A wise woman told me "enjoy every moment with your children, even the ones that you think will make you cringe..... because time goes by so quickly and before you know it they are all grown up and you can look back and laugh."  I have been trying to do that.  Really trying to experience them in every way and one day I will look back and laugh.  Easier say than done.  We wave goodbye to daddy and we are off.  I made it sound like we were going to an adventure.  A shoe adventure, mommy needed a pair and so did Lucas and Noah.  Lucas loved it all, Noah was just happy to be in the car.  As I am looking for parking in the DSW parking lot, I explained in detail to Lucas how we have to get silver pretty shoes for mommy for Carries wedding.  Lucas seemed to understand and be ready for the challenge.  I loved it.  We buckle Noah in his stroller and Lucas offers to take over the stroller duties so I can find my pretty shoes.  How awesome, he is being so helpful.  Of course he bumped into people and knocked over a few boxes of shoes, but no one there understood that we were on a mission.  I had two children in tow and I needed to get those shoes no matter what the outcome.  I mean, when will I see these people again and I will make sure to never come back to this store again if things got out of hand.  We jet through rows of silver shoes and pick up three in my size that seem to fit me.  Lucas shouts "mommy why don't u get pretty shoes with theses heels like all the pretty Mommy's wear".  What mommies?  Mommies wear stilettos...not this mommy.....my feet will suffer if I did that to them not to mention my knees after I collapsed with them on.  "no Lucas...mommy likes a smaller heel".  How helpful my Lucas was being?  I loved it.  Women passed by me and commented on my well behaved son pushing the stroller and my well behaved toddler singing away in his stroller.  Perfect angels.  As I stopped at one point to try on those three pairs and I thought "how lucky am I to have these well behaved kids",  this is a piece of cake.  I finally got shoes and I loved them.  We speed walked to the counter (after knocking out a few rows of shoes...but hey it will be worse for them if my kids began having a trantrum, fair trade of I thought).  As we are about to pay....Lucas says "I got this mommy....I am going to pay for those shoes....it's easy"....then he goes and grabs a row of gift cards sitting by the cashier "here you go mommy, there is money in here and you can pay for those shoes".  I laughed and said thank you and every one near heard and laughed too, how cute was this little boy.  A woman said to me "you have got great boys there".  Hoorrayy.....my boys are fantastic.  Not a problem at all, they were perfect.  I told them in the car how great boys they were and now it was their turn, two shoes each for being such good boys.  I was so excited......I was going to Stride Rite, how bad can they be there.....:(.    So we went on to Stride Rite and as soon as we walked in "tantrum central".  There was a (maybe 7 years old) big girl screaming that she wanted princess shoes and her little brother was running around saying he did not want shoes at all.  I walked in and looked at my two good boys and kind of grinned a little to myself....I had perfect kids.  I think sometimes moms are hard on each other.  They look at other moms when their kids are out of control and think,we could  have done things differently, our kids would not have gotten out of hand or maybe we just dont admit that they get THAT out of hand.  If you are not one of those moms bless your heart I unfortunately was one of those moms at that precise moment.  I thought, she just has to be stern and not give in to her little princess and be stern to her little boy that he has to wear shoes.  Lucas at this point found these cool "iron man sneackers".  I loved them they were perfect.  They came and measure him and Lucas was going to get the iron man sneakers with a pair of summer sandals.  I was excited one down one to go.  Noah said "no no" when he had to get measured.  He said "cold mommy".  I smiled and smiled as people started looking at me.  I finally shoved the foot on the metal thing and straightened his body and he knew I meant business.  He stood still and we got the measurement.  The shoes came out and he was adimant that he did not want to wear them, did not want to even go near them.  He wanted the hulk sneaker that was meant for big boys and he threw himself on the floor to make himself be heard.  At this point, a woman came in with her perfect little princess and I looked around and saw that the bad little princess and that bad little boy where gone.  We were the only ones left at the store and I had this horrible toddler throwing himself all over the floor, rolling all over.  OMG...how did ths happen. Because we were taking so long convincing Noah to put on his shoes (not to mention the bad princess mommy had taken so long to decide on shoes) Lucas had time to have his tantrum.  He comes over and says he found (found.....found....that is how much time we had that he managed to find something in the store of shoes that were not shoes) super hero bracelets.  He begged me to have them.  I told him he had to choose bracelets or sneakers.  He chose bracelets.  Seriously!!!  I told him he had to take his sneakers off and he ran crying underneath the counter.  Where was the book to deal with this....where was supernanny...I wanted to run underneath the counter too but then who would take care of Noah.  I felt the stares and I heard the remarks.  The lady at the store understood my pain and offered Lucas a superhero poster from the avengers.  He came out giving me a chance to remove those sneakers.  I paid, grab the bags and Noah and escorted my 5 year old crying all the way to the car.  Thank god it was close.  He cried all the way home.  I wanted to cry too but someone had to drive us home.  Later that night, we talked about how silly it was that he picked the bracelets.  Lucas answer "don't worry mommy, I will be good all next week so you can take me to buy the sneakers on Saturday".  I said, "next time daddy will be going."