I just want to feed myself.

Oh those were the days when I only had to feed myself I ate as slow or fast as I wanted. I savored every taste and enjoyed every bit of my meal. I wasn't really a "food" person before I met Fabio, actually didn't enjoy it, I had my issues. But when I met Fabio it completely changed. He ate with such pleasure, he devoured his food entirely, didn't leave anything behind. He really seemed to enjoy every bit of his meal, its as if with every bite he was dancing and smiling. I began enjoying it myself too, we went to every restaurant in the area possible, we tasted many different meals, I tried new things due to Fabio. It was really a wonderful way of living, I loved and looked at food in a new light. I couldn't wait to have our children and do the eating together as a family thing, it will be wonderful with each one of us sharing our "lows" and highs" of the day, laughing and most of all enjoying our food. Little that I realize that I actually had to do the cooking myself.  I don't know who I thought would be doing the cooking.  I really try to cook but I am not good at it.  I make your basics.  My Mother, Father and Mother-in-law are wonderful cooks and I really try to cook like them but Fabio can tell you it's a work in progress.  When I was pregnant with Lucas and Noah, I loved loved loved food, I could no stop eating.  Thankfully, I only gained 35 pounds with each pregnancy but I sure felt like I was heavier.  I don't know what it was but I loved food.  After Lucas was born, I could not wait until Lucas sat with us at the dinner table.....that would be great I thought.  I was so wrong.  As a baby Lucas ate very well but right after his first birthday he stopped eating.  Later came, eating but limited, after that it was eating but at slow slow slow pace.  Now, its "Lucas please eat.....Lucas please eat.....Please Lucas just eat......EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We even started the "timer", when the bell goes off, if he has not eaten all of his food then he has to go straight to bed for the rest of the night. We meant business, there was times that he did not eat and we sent him right to bed.  Of course, he cried the whole way there.  That ended, after Fabio and I got stressed, we could not enjoy our food knowing that when he was not finishing, we would have to be the bad guys and end up sending him to bed.  We have no plans anymore.  We gave up for now and just plead with him to eat faster.  Argh!

Our Noah is different, we are not fast enough to feed him.  We feed him and as soon as the spoon goes out he screams he wants more.  Now that he feeds himself (certain foods) he uses the fork and when that does not work he grabs his food in fists and shoves it his mouth.  He shoves back anything that falls out.  He eats constantly and does not take a break.  He is a fast eater and I cannot enjoy my dinner because I feel like I am in a contest. 

I am in a no win situation.  Sometimes, I just sit with my boys and wait for them to finish eating and then eat alone where I can actually enjoy my food. 

Oh, how I miss those days of dining with my Fabsters.  One day, I know we will eat as a family.  For now, I will just have suck it up.