Losing our power.

Fabio asked me today "what do we do, the boys are not believing our threats anymore, we are losing our power."  Sadly, they have caught on to mommy and daddy tricks. They know mommy and daddy won't leave them on the side of the road, even when they open the door of the car and threatened to take them out and leave them. They know their toys won't be given to other boys and girls. They know that mommy and daddy won't give away our cats, Puffball and Bashy. They know. They have caught on that mommy and daddy love them and they are all talk. 

The other night we went to a 25th wedding anniversary party. It was for Fabios cousin (who is more like a sister) and her husband. They celebrated 25 years of putting up with each other and dealing with the ups and downs and still sticking together. That's a great accomplishment.  At the party we bumped into couples who have also been married a long time. As we were discussing our kids, one mom said something so wise. I wanted to stop the music and make a public announcement. What she said I have probably heard before but had not quite paid attention because maybe it didn't affect me at the time. It did now. She said "you can't make a big fuzz about things when they are little and as they get older, afterall these are all stages they have to go through and they keep getting harder and harder". She now had a 15 year old teenager. Another parent said, "3 and 6 years old is the best ages, they are still sweet, our kids are 18 and 21, its a different ball game". These parents were so right. I love meeting older couples with older children, their advice is enormous.  They make you feel better about moments were you think you have hit rock bottom with a tantrum. 

The other day, I picked up Noah from my parents house and Lucas was in the car. We had gotten a rental car because our minivan was getting repaired after an accident. We got a car that our insurance would pay for which was a Volkswagon Passat. Noah began screaming that he left a power ranger at grandpas house. I calmly told him we were already heading home and will pick up the toy tomorrow. He was not having it. He began to scream and scream. Lucas covered his ears. I realized at that moment how much I love love my mini van. In the Passat he was sitting right behind me, it's like he was screaming right into my ear. In the mini van the car is bigger and he is further in the back making his cries more tolerable. It's the little things that help you survive these moments. 

My nephew was baptized the other day, and at church Noah began singing when no one was singing. I asked him quietly to be quiet but he answered "no I want to sing and you are a mean mommy". All eyes were on me. I whispered if you don't be quiet mommy will not lay with you for 5 minutes when you got to bed. His answer " I don't want you, I want daddy to sleep with me for 5 minutes ". The threat had not worked. My three year old figures out that who cares if mommy was not there he has his back up daddy. It use to work with Lucas. :(

Warnings are exhausting. Fabio gives one warning and they listen and never do it again. I give one warning and then I feel bad and give another and then another and they know mommy is all talk. American super nanny said that one warning should be enough and they should know you mean business and that's it. Fabios got that going for him.  Me not so much. The other day I tell Lucas that if he says one more potty word I will take his crayons away (Lucas loves drawing). A few minutes later he says another potty word. I take his crayons and explain why. The next day he comes home with his pencil box from school. He says mommy I brought my crayons from school so you can keep those crayons you took away. Wise guy. 

They are getting smarter but the things that they say are funny after the moment has passed and you look back. I keep telling myself enjoy these moments..... Enjoy these moments.....enjoy these moments........and Secretly I do. 

Yucky bugs!!!!

I hate bugs!!!!!  Tiny bugs,small bugs, big bugs ......any type of bugs creep me out. I hate them. Maybe it's because I grew up in the city but we had cockroaches and ants there too and I still hated them. Not only are they disgusitng looking but some are pretty scary. I grew up with two sisters who also detested bugs. My dad hated them too, my mom was fearless. She didn't like them but she could grab a spider with no problem and put it back outside of the house. She grew up in a farm so I am sure that's where the braveness and indifference came from.

I moved to the suburbs and began seeing more bugs and ......bugs I had never seen before. Yuck!!!!!  Then Lucas was born and I tried to protect him from them. I would not let him get anywhere near bees, spyders or ants. Fabio would laugh at me and show Lucas all the bugs that our backyard could offer. Yuck!!!! He was fearless like my mom, he grew up in the suburbs. Lucas didn't hate the bugs or was disgusted by them....he wanted to save them and take care of them. He never wanted me to kill a bee, spyder or ant. He would ask me nicely to take it back out into the backyard. I would have killed them in the past but when Lucas was born I wanted him to be kind and sweet to everyone and every living thing. I screwed myself. I now have to find a way to get the bees out of the house before it stings me. I have to trap the spider and then set it free. I can't just stomp on the ant, I have to take her outside. My sweet Lucas had thought me to love these bugs and accept them into my life. 

Three years forward and Noah was born and made me ICKY of bugs all over again. Noah is fascinated by bugs.  He brings me ants and tells me "mommy the ant is sick". No I tell him "the ant is dead baby you squeeze him with your tiny fingers". He says. " oh sorry ant". 

He picks up spiders by one leg and brings them to me as the spider is trying to wiggle out. 

Noah digs like a dog in our back yard and pulls out worms and then brings them to me and tells me (as if I didn't know) that they are called worms. Lucas then runs and takes the worm and puts it back in the dirt so that it doesn't die. 

Noah brings me back bugs of any kind like that pet dog/cat that brings back dead animals for their owners. My sweet Noah gardens me with bugs. He brings me bees still alive kicking as he is holding them with his tiny chubby fingers. I then quickly have to kill the bees so they don't sting us out of vengeance for Noah's attack. 

Noah likes to bring me slugs, beetles and some bugs I don't even know what they are. Poor Lucas tries to save everyone one of them. I actually find myself trying to save those animals from Noah's chubby fingers, all except for the bees. 

No matter what, my boys have taught me to be fearless, caring and most of all embrace these tiny creatures in our lives but they are still yucky. 

A six year old tantrum.

IBack in the day, invites to social events where for Fabio or I.  We like to think we were popular, we enjoyed going to these events and see our friends and family. Now, our social life is dictated by our kids popularities. Every week something is happening,either a play date, sports event, school event or birthday party. My calendar is filled with being the boys driver to and from places. 

One Saturday, we had soccer for Lucas in the morning followed by two separate birthday parties. The night before lucas  had a belt test for Tae Kwon Doe so needless to say he was tired. 

At each party all the moms would look at each other when we heard crying and I am sure each one of us was praying that it wasn't our child. Please let it be someone else's so I don't look like the one with the kid with the issue. When i looked at the first party and realized it was my Lucas, I wanted someone else to claim him. I thought the moms would look at me judgmental but no they looked at me with........pity. They felt bad that I had to be embarrassed and deal with him. Lucas had fallen from the bouncy house and had scraped his knee on the carpet. It was a tiny scrape but for a kid his age it was an emergency. He starts whining that he needs a band aid and that his blood was going to be shooting out at any second. He could have won an Emmy for his great performance. I did what any desperate mom would do, I offered him cake after the party if he was good. With that he responded that it was a birthday party and so cake would be offered. Oh that smart kid.....he knows what's up...... He is six after all. Then why these dramatic tantrums I thought. I looked at the moms and they had moved to another room them I turned mean mommy on. I took him to the bathroom and said " listen Mr Lucas you have a scrape and when we get home mommy will take care of it but for now you will stop your yelling and get back out there and smile and enjoy the cake and not ruin your friends bday party, and as for the cake enjoy it and because that is the last sweet thing you will have for a long time. This is your only warning". He knew I meant business. He wiped his tears and went into the party room. The moms just smiled at me and I smiled back. Hopefully the embarrassment is over. But it wasn't.....the biggest cry was just about to come. He ate the pizza....sang happy birthday and then ate cake. We were almost out the door when the favors were being handed out. The kids began trading the toys in their favor bags and Lucas was getting left out. A grandmother holding her own favor bag was standing near Lucas. He says to her" open your bag and let's trade". She says no that she was holding the bag for her grandson. Lucas insisted and grabbed her bag. He was desperate. I jumped right in apologized to the grandmother , said my goodbyes to the moms and then grabbed Lucas hand and led him out the door. He began screaming. I walked out with a screaming kid and smiled at everyone on the way out to my car. What can I do but smile?  I had to take it like a big girl. My Lucas.....my six year old was having a tantrum and I had to suck it up and deal with it. I put him in his car seat and buckled him in and drove out of the parking lot while he was still crying. I get to my first stop light out the parking lot and look back and he is out. He was tired and his crying was how he dealt with his exhaustion. I wasn't a bad mom I just had a kid who was tired after all week of school, tae Kwon doe, soccer and T-ball. He earned his exhaustion. 

He slept in the car for about 45 minutes. I got to my house and stayed in the driveway until he woke up. I closed my eyes too I needed a nap as well. By the second party he was back to his old self and someone's else's kid cried. Thankfully it was not mine.