Seriously where is your mother and when is she taking you home!

I remember bringing Lucas home that first day and Fabio and I stared at him thinking "what do we do now". He was our first and he looked so fragile and delicate. We were afraid to break him. We felt at any moment his real parents will be picking him up. We still feel that way at times and at times we still look at him and wonder "what do we do now". Especially when he asks me questions I don't want to answer. For example, he asks "mommy why are u sitting in the toilet, you are doing it wrong". I say "Lucas mommy and girls pee different than boys we have different parts". He says "let me see what you have". "Absolutely not" I say. "Mommy you see mine all the time and now I want to see yours". Where is your mother? Of course I didn't him let him see mine.

I volunteered at Lucas school for an event, it was the apple experiment. As the teacher was cutting the apple she was using a knife and telling all the kids that they should never use knifes because its dangerous. Lucas out of nowhere says "knifes are dangerous that's true but you just have to be really careful you don't cut yourself. Like when I need to cut something and no one is around I know where the knifes are and very carefully I use the knife and I never cut myself". All eyes were on me from the moms to the teacher to the kids. I wanted to say " I'm Just waiting for his mother to come get him". From then on the knifes and anything sharp is put away in a secret location. So secret Fabio and I can't even find it.

On another occasion, we were going to a restaurant with the boys and the waiter came to ask what we wanted. Noah gently grab the waiters hand and said "Hi! I want to eat. I want pasta". The waiter looked at us probably thinking if we ever feed him. I wanted to say "his mother still has not picked him up and he is eating all our food".

We went to see a play in our local theater "the wizard of oz". It was Noah's first play. Lucas kept asking questions forgetting to use his indoor voice. With a gentle fake smile I asked him to please tone it down but the whisper voice was a loud whisper. At the end of the show we went to meet the cast. As we approached the witch Noah screams "witch witch you bad you bad, you dead". It was cute at first until he kept yelling it and then demanded food. We shoved a cookie in his mouth and ran out before he asked for more.

Fabio let's me sleep in every Saturday as I let him sleep in every Sunday. It's so nice to know I am getting to sleep in without having to feed anyone on Saturdays. One morning my Inlaws got to our house early to stay for the weekend. My mother in law asked for me and Lucas said "mommy Is sleeping, she sleeps all day long and we never see her". Thank God my mother in law loves me and knows this is not true.

I am still waiting for their parents to show up but fortunately they are all ours and are with us forever and that is just perfect. If only the little guy would go easy on the food intake. Does he not know our economy is not doing well? Thank God pasta is cheap.

Waiting and waiting and waiting.

There is nothing people hate more than getting to a doctors appointment on time and waiting hours to be seen. I actually don't mind. I get to just relax and sit for awhile thinking of nothing. I watch everyone else complain and I sit and read. It's really the only time I have to myself. That is not the case when it comes to appointments for the kids. That is when I do complain and plead with the nurses to please let me in before my kids loose their minds and I get all the dirty looks directed at me. This time I had the privilege of having Fabio go with me. He has not gone to the doctor appointments with me since the boys were really little. "It will be nice to take the boys to the Doctors as a family....don't u think Claud". I just laugh an evil laugh inside. "Sure Fab". We had to go to Lucas orthopedic doctor. Lucas had broken a small bone on his left arm a year ago and we were coming back to have it X-ray to make sure it had healed well. The waiting room was full but there were three empty chairs close to each other and one far away. I chose the one far away hoping no one knew I was with them. Lucas gave it away when he called me "mommy" I tried to ignore him but that would be mean. The movie "toy story" was on but finished as soon as we got there. "Damn it". Fabio saw the lollipops and decided to give one to each of the kids. Noah just needs a little sugar and he is nuts. Five minutes later Noah began playing musical chairs and then the man near him moved and offered me his chair and I offered him mine (my heart was breaking). Fabio decided to read Lucas a "national geographic" magazine but lucas kept asking so many questions I could see Fabio getting frustrated after 20 minutes of it. Noah kept playing the musical chair and dancing and singing. The dirty looks kept coming. Fabio got so frustrated that he told Lucas "ok Lucas you are six years old now and you can read this magazine yourself daddy is taking a break" Lucas said"but daddy I don't know how to read this magazine". Fabio got dirty looks I would have intervene but chose to share the love. Poor Lucas he just began reading and his daddy wanted him to read a national geographic magazine with words I probably can't read myself. Trying to control his frustration Fabio got up and ate like 10 lollipops. He then asked the nurse if the movie can be replayed and thank God they put it back on. The boys sat and watched. Then Noah began asking for food again thank God I carry numerous snacks just for Noah (Lucas never asks for them). This went on for half an hour when the nurse said "Lucas". We all jumped with excitement as if we had won a prize. "Oh sorry Lucas will be next". I gave her the dirtiest look. Twenty minutes later they finally called us. We had gotten there on time and were not seen till almost an hour later and it still was not over. We go in the waiting room and Lucas and Noah go nuts. They start trying to touch everything and all of a sudden one of them starts farting. We don't know which one it was because then the doctor comes in and I am sure was completely surprised at the smell he walked into. He begins talking and then explains how someone else will come in to take Lucas for an X-ray.....more waiting and now we are stuck in a smelly room with the two crazy kids. Fifteen minutes later they come get Lucas and Fabio quickly jumps at the chance to leave the smelly room. I was hoping he had taken the smelly kid with him but I actually had him in the room with me and I guess all the chips, apple, banana and lollypops gave him gas. When they returned and entered the room ten minutes later Fabio and Lucas covered their faces and Lucas said "mommy this room smells" and the doctor walked in right after. I hoped he knew it was not me but the little guy still running around and singing in the room. When we finally were told we could leave I went the check out desk and apologized to them for that smelly room and asked if I had a co-pay. I knew I did but they probably wanted us to leave so badly that they would bill me later for it. I am sure Fabio will no longer want to attend these appointments with us but it was gratifying to know that now he knows why after these appointments I am always cranky and exhausted. We got in the car and Noah says "I want to eat pasta". It never ends.

I want my mom.

Being a parent is tough. Along with that is working, keeping your marriage in check, keeping your house in order, maintainin your car, maintaining your own vehicle ( your body), keeping up with play dates, keeping up with school events and keeping up with your friendships. All of it is so much that I sometimes just want to get away from it all. I daydream being alone in a beautiful balcony by the beach where I can hear the waves and have my eyes close and feel the soft warm breeze....... And then I am awaken from that daydream to "mommy.........Claud..........mommy.......Claud......." These are also moments where I want my mommy. There is a song that says "I want to crawl back inside my mothers womb" from Ingrid michaelson". That is so true I would love to do that. I. Fact sometimes I want to do that to my children and do that to Fabio (obviously to his mothers womb not mine). I just remember taking for granted those moments where my mom would caress my hair or hold me in those tight warm hugs and now I want those all the time for strength for a break for a moment of Serenity. Maybe my children would want that one day. I think about my mom saying that now she has all the time in the world and wishes she could have those moments back. I know I will also feel that way in the future where time will pass me by and I will regret complaining about my chaotic life now. I tell that to myself and then I daydream about the beach , about the breeze, about Kevin Bacon......oops I have said too much. 😄