I am a working mom, I always enjoyed working.....never thought of staying home. When my boys were little I felt that they were too little to notice if I was around but as they get older I see how much they need me and how much I miss them. I am lucky enough to have a job that allows flexibility at times so I am able to be home to pick up Lucas from the bus and work back in the evening plus i also get to work from home one day a week and be able to stay home with them if they get sick. I am also lucky enough to have my parents taking care of my boys when I am working. But even with those luxuries I feel I am not 100% there for my boys. In the back of my mind even when I am picking him up from that bus stop I am still thinking about work. So last year I decided that every vacation that I will take will be the weeks that the kids have off from school. I thought it would be great quality time with them and I would not be thinking of work. I loved it. I took the Feb break off but Lucas ended up having school. I focused on potty training Noah I was exhausted by the end of the week. I didn't go anywhere focusing on the potty training. At the end of the week Fabio said "you look like a beat down woman". I was soooo tired but the results were a success. Last week was the boys spring break and I was so excited to spend quality time wih my boys. I thought it would be relaxing and fun, like the commercials that you see on TV when the mom has gotten allergy relief medicine and then starts running (looking beautiful I may add) after her children in a beautifully landscaped backyard with the grass as green as ever. I thought it would be like that but it wasn't. I did not look beautiful, kids were crying....I was crying and the grass was dead.
From 7am to 730/8pm I was with them all day. No breaks. They went everywhere I went. They followed me like paparazzi and never lost me even when I tried to escape. They had energy all day and where hungry every hour. They asked for me every half an hour and then there was whining.......crying.....pleading......beggingand screaming (from them not me....OK maybe it was me too.....don't judge me). I also was not feeling well, fighting off a cold but there were no breaks to tend to me when my two demanding boys are after me. Even our two cats where passed out by 7 pm after not being able to sleep all day from having the boys make so much noise during the day. I would take them outside in the AM and by the time we came in for lunch I just wanted to lay on the couch with my feet up but not them...they were ready for more. Then there was lunch, snack times and dinner not to mention the breakfast. I barely ate (I could have drank) and the days seemed to go by so slow and my evening to myself so fast
Their bed time is 730 for Noah and 8 for Lucas, I would stick to that schedule so that at night I could have time to myself. Don't judge me....I was dying....I needed to take a shower and focus on nothing but the TV in my bed. After the shower, I would end up passing out so I could never watch my shows. Fabio would get home from work and would want to spend every minute he could with the boys (the way I am when I work) but I needed my time. It would be 8:01 and I would give Fabio dirty looks. He was cutting into my time. I would have put then to bed at 7 if I could have but that would be mean. Every night when they were sleeping, I would go into their rooms and apologize to them,kiss them and would feel so guilty. The next day I would try harder but the exhaustion was just too much.
Although the following Monday morning my work routine began all over again I was thankful to be going back to the adult world until Noah began crying when we were leaving Lucas at the bus stop "I want to stay with mommy and Lucas all day". He broke my heart....maybe it was not that bad but then I looked at my two cats who gave me that look "send those kids to school we want to sleep".
Stay at home moms are amazing. That is the hardest job ever and I sucked at it.
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